The cruelty of strangers

Until today I have held to a mistaken impression that people in this world are generally good. We all make mistakes, but I believed that after leaving behind the brutality of junior high, we all figured out that our own self-worth shouldn't be predicated upon the destruction of others'.

I am more emotionally fragile than I usually care to admit. This trait is occasionally disadvantageous as a business owner, boss, wife, mother, and member of society. I have learned to employ certain tactics to help me function in the world, but that doesn't disqualify me from being a sensitive soul.

For reasons that probably have roots in suppressed early trauma, I am particularly sensitive about my looks. I seldom feel attractive, and sometimes find myself needlessly worrying about what others might think of my appearance. Especially recently, since I have acquired the infamous "mom" body and am uncomfortable in my ill-fitting wardrobe. It's ironic, however, that I rarely take the time to put on makeup.

So it was with genuine reservations that I posted the two recent discussions of my celebrity resemblances. I hated the idea of posting a close-up image of my face, especially in such proximity to the likeness of the beautiful Mrs. Tom Cruise. I feared that people would be thinking precisely what one individual had the nerve to actually write in a comment [expletive edited, grammar left in context]:

"your actually f****** hideous to be honest and I can't see u looking like anybody on any celebrity list. maybe rosie. maybe miss piggy"

Harsh.

This person is a complete stranger to me and was obviously deliberately being an asshole. But his or her vile remarks were enough to completely ruin my day, and unfortunately I won't soon forget the scathing words. Thankfully I can be sure, because of my website monitoring software, that this person is not anyone I know attempting to say anonymously what he or she has long wanted to say to my ugly face. "Anonymous" actually lives in one of three cities in which I have no known contacts. Plus, I'm sure I don't associate with anyone who would write "your" instead of "you're" in the context of the insult.

This experience brought me the opportunity to learn a new internet term--troll: "someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community...with the intention of provoking other users into an emotional response..." I read on to learn that the most effective way to discourage trolls is to ignore them, "hence the often-seen warning: 'Please do not feed the trolls.'" Well, eat up, despicable troll. I realize that your fateful click to my website was the one-time result of a search for a particular celebrity's photo (who I'll refrain from mentioning in an attempt to reduce the amount of Google traffic directed here), so hopefully my troll cuisine won't induce further insults.

As personally offensive as this comment was to me, it brings up a larger issue of how real people out there find the audacity to be so heartlessly malicious to other real people. Anonymous might be a parent. He might have participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange at work. She might be singing along to the radio stuck in traffic right now. He might play fetch with his dog. She might cheerily answer phones at work. Anonymous is likely a regular person, with friends and co-workers and maybe even a family. I'd like to believe that the most callous stranger would not say those words to my face, even if the thoughts arose. But this facade we call The Internet, for all its glorious purposes, provides a delicate mask which apparently permits sadistic inhumanity.