Home birth to-do list

The original title of this post was slated as "Preparing for Home Birth," but that heading implies to me that a description of the philosophical and mental preparations required to birth at home will follow.  A post with such a label might delve into suggested research and knowledge to acquire, examine pain-coping techniques, address one's acceptance of responsibility, and/or promote spiritual enlightenment surrounding the rite of passage that is bringing a baby beautifully and naturally into the world.

This post, rather, is a look at the extensive and somewhat amusing list of logistical preparations I am making in anticipation of giving birth at my house. My Birth To-Do List resembles one for planning a large party or going on a big trip. I can't help but chuckle when I look at my list and then consider that many women's logistical birth preparations end right around having a duffel bag packed for the hospital and the infant seat installed in the car.

Let's begin with a look at the supplies I've gathered.  Of course the midwives provide all of the essential medical supplies, equipment, and emergency provisions. But they do require that I order their pre-specified Birth Kit from a local supplier. It includes such items as lubricating jelly, perineal instant cold pads, umbilical cord ring, sterile and non-sterile gloves, sitz bath herbs, a newborn hat, and more. If you're really curious, the whole list is here.

In addition to this kit, I have a whole page of additional items to gather--some required, some suggested. This list includes such items as a home-made birth blanket (for which I recently discovered instructions that do specify to tie the quilt!!!), towels, extension cords, flashlights (we definitely made use of these last time), plastic garbage bags, baby clothing, and more. There is also a list of specific foods and beverages to have available, including electrolyte drinks, protein drinks and clear protein shots, yogurt, fruit, popsicles, and a meal for the midwives, family, and post-partum mother.  Again, for those interested: the complete list is here.

Befitting my personality type, I have not only gathered the supplies, but carefully organized them. My midwives were very pleased to see this setup when they came for their home-visit last week.

What I find more amusing than these supplies are the To-Do lists I created. One for advance preparations and one for when labor begins. Here's a taste.

Preparations:

• What to wear. No hospital gown here! Last time, after a brief soak in the hot tub (this was during a serious wind storm so Gary quickly ushered me back inside the house, fearing flying debris from our forested backyard), the clothes simply never went back on. I had no sense of a need for modesty under the spell of Laborland. I'm sure I will soak and possibly choose to birth in our large (indoor) tub, so I'll probably go with a bikini top and loose jersey dress (or muumuu as we affectionately call my favorite maternity wear). 
• Slow-cooker meal.  Everything for my Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya is chopped up in a gallon Ziploc in the freezer so I can toss it in the Crock Pot when things get started.
• Overnight bag. Yeah, I get to do this one too just in case we transport to the hospital.
• Dog baths. Done yesterday - with a Living Social coupon, hooray! They look and smell so nice.
• Activities/snacks/gifts for Madelyn.  We have discussed things Madelyn can do during labor if she gets bored or needs a break and I've hidden away a couple of surprises she'll enjoy playing with by herself (assuming she' awake). I even wrapped a couple of more special "big sister" gifts to open after he is born. One is a lovely silver bracelet specifically from the baby. 
• Prepare Madelyn. Over the past few months we have looked at books and photographs and discussed how the baby will get here and what labor and birth might look and sound like. Most recently I screened dozens of home birth videos and selected a handful that were appropriate to share with Madelyn. I wanted her to see the facial expressions and hear the noises that sometimes accompany labor. I wanted her to see a baby being born into the water as well as on a bed. I wanted her to see the vagina stretching, the blood and amniotic fluid spilling, and the baby crying.  Because right now is the time to answer questions, reassure her of how normal this all is, and help her feel comfortable and even excited about witnessing the birth of her brother. 
• Gifts for the midwives. I have no idea if it is customary to give a gift like this, I just enjoy doing it. I loved what I chose when Madelyn was born: a pair of warm, fuzzy socks for each midwife to wear in our house. It was December and we have hardwood floors throughout. This time I decided to get those travel beverage cups where you can insert your own photos inside. I created a design using the Vivante Midwifery logo and another image from their website. My intention is that they can use these for their ice water or tea while they are at our house and not lose their own cup.

When Labor Begins:

• Page Vivante, call mothers, text close friends
• Put jambalaya in slow cooker, set rice cooker on timer, and set out dishes
• Shower, shave, brush teeth, change clothes
• Weigh myself (I'm curious about my final weight gain and also how much I'll lose during birth) :)
• Set out snacks, tea, fill my water bottle, etc. 
• Tidy house, kitchen, bathrooms (I won't relax if it's messy)
• Move laundry baskets into bedroom
• Take bedding off of bed
• Care for Madelyn 

Possible Labor Projects (depending on how I feel, time of day, etc.)

• Bake "birthday" cupcakes. This would be fun for Madelyn to help with, fill the house with the aroma of baking, and is certainly appropriate for the occasion. 
•  Make new blanket for Madelyn. My daughter and I have been working on a simple fleece blanket for the baby, as a gift from Big Sister. We also purchased the matching "girl" fleece print because Madelyn loved it and we're hoping to wean her away from the fleece blanket she's clung to since birth (literally--she even laid on this blanket during her Apgar Test).  I like the idea of concentrating on a gift for Madelyn during this time, emphasizing that my love for her is as strong as ever, even though most of the focus this day will be on bringing a new person into our family. 

I suppose many women (and men) would read this and wonder incredulously why anyone would create all this extra fuss when "they" take care of everything in a hospital. Again, that's an entirely different post, which I just realized, you can read in my own words HERE! "Worth it" almost seems like an understatement. I am very happy to be managing my own labor and birth process and all of these logistical preparations support my necessary mental preparations as well. 

Tooth Fairy

The Tooth Fairy visited our house for the first time a few weeks ago. My daughter is only five and unfortunately her first lost tooth did not occur naturally.  The experience was rather traumatic for us all, but thankfully our Tooth Fairy really came through.

I was pretty devastated when the dentist informed us in the fall that Madelyn's lower left second molar had a cavity. We have been vigilant about oral care since infancy so the news was shocking and disappointing. I take solace in the dentist's reassurance that this cavity was the result of some kind of "fluke," possibly a spot of weak enamel or unusually deep groove.

The cavity was filled by the dentist and his delightful assistant during this initial visit. The experience was uncharacteristically pleasant!  Madelyn breathed Nitrous Oxide and she was such a ham that she had all three of us adults cracking up. The challenge in getting her to sit still was not because she was uncomfortable or afraid, but because she was being so silly.  Three different staff members "sneaked" Madelyn an extra token for the prize dispenser because she was such a great patient. I left feeling triumphant over the stereotypically traumatic dentist visit, even under distressing circumstances.

But a month or so later, Madelyn complained again of pain near that tooth during brushing, so Gary took her to the "emergency" dental clinic. I wasn't able to be there but Gary reports that it was an entirely different experience. Infection was discovered under the filling (damn you, wonderful first dentist!) which meant it needed to be re-done.  They refused to administer Nitrous at this office because there were pregnant women on the staff, according to Gary. ?!? With no alternative option, Madelyn had to suffer those long numbing injections and the rest of her torture in full awareness. And she was NOT an easy patient this time around. To make matters worse, this dentist was impatient and apparently said the kind of things that only exacerbate Madelyn's fragile emotional state. I imagine all parties were completely exhausted by the end, and the dentist even stated that she wasn't sure if she was able to get all the infection out under the difficult circumstances.

Everything was fine for a few months. When Madelyn began telling us in April to brush that side of her mouth gently, I actually thought she just had a cut on her cheek at first. But when I got a good look, I saw the swelling in her gums under that same molar. So back to the dentist we went.

I declined returning to the emergency clinic, and the first dentist we saw is no longer at a convenient location. So we decided to establish a relationship with the office that is closest to our new home. So another new place and new face for Madelyn. After the last visit, Madelyn's opinion of the dentist was understandably maligned. Even the mention of a possibility of visiting the dentist brought tears to her eyes, I am not kidding.

The new dentist immediately concluded that the molar would have to be extracted. We set an appointment to return a few days later, and she suggested a Rx for an oral medication as an alternative to N2O. To me, extraction was the worst outcome considering our years of careful dental care. This molar is one that shouldn't normally fall out until a child is about 11 years old. So there isn't going to be a new one growing back any time soon. I felt defeated.

I knew this experience was not going to be extremely pleasant. My preparations took on the seriousness of heading into battle. And I feel like I was about the most well-prepared mother I could have been.  On top of the usual stash of books, coloring, stuffed animals, and her comfort blanky, I even thought to bring Madelyn's favorite (bordering on obsessive) CD (The Lion King soundtrack) and my old Discman! Not only that, but I packed extra batteries (which we did use!).  And knowing that one of Madelyn's advance concerns was the bright light in her eyes, I packed not only her cute pink sunglasses, but a surprise novelty pair with fish for eyes.  All of this worked very well to keep her in good spirits...until the work began.

The oral meds to make Madelyn "loopy" were administered about an hour in advance.  Even though Madelyn was not falling over in her chair as the dentist wanted, she decided to proceed based on her slightly slurred speech and happy disposition. Looking back, I think Madelyn would have benefited from a larger dose or more time. Because she was fully conscious of the three very slow anesthetic injections and the violent extraction of her tooth. The entire process was made incredibly challenging for the dentist because Madelyn was squirming, screaming, and trying to shut her mouth. Thank goodness for those little plastic contraptions that hold her jaw open--although I cringe at the idea of her being out of control in such a way. I had to leave the room for the third injection because my heart was breaking. I hope there weren't patients in the waiting room with a fear of the dentist that day, because Madelyn's tortured screams were not reassuring.

Madelyn's music was still playing on her headphones as her own personal background to her screams. I feared that she'd forever associate "I Just Can't Wait to be King" with agonizing assault and never want to hear it again (which I suppose could be considered a relief for Gary and me, but I'd feel awful since she loves it so much).

In the end, Madelyn's tooth came out and of course she was fine. The dentist explained that one of the effects of the medication is a sort of amnesia, assuring us that as bad as it seemed at the time, Madelyn probably wouldn't remember what happened. And this seems to be true. She was much more loopy after the procedure, stumbling around like a drunk 5-year-old (supporting my question of whether more time would have been beneficial). She had to be carried to and from the car to avoid toppling over onto the cement. From then on the focus was on her nifty tooth and the impending visit from Tooth Fairy. Her excitement about these elements seemed to replace all concern about how they came to be. I had told Madelyn that when your tooth comes out at the dentist, and you have to be so brave, the Tooth Fairy brings something extra-special.

So she dictated this letter to the Tooth Fairy and left it under her pillow with the tooth:

Our amazing Tooth Fairy left a note (complete with glittery fairy dust) for Madelyn in return, along with a tiny My Little Pony:

So all was well, except one more near-tragedy which occurred the following night. At bedtime, we couldn't find Madelyn's tooth, which she wanted to bring to Share Day at school the next morning. I'd put the tooth into a tiny plastic box with a clear lid, about the size of a postage stamp, cubed. All of us searched everywhere for this box, even in those strange places like the pantry.  When we were about to call of the dogs, so-to-speak (the irony is about to be apparent), I had a sickening thought.

Armed with a flashlight, I went outside to the dogs' area of the backyard in the dark. Sure enough, there was the little plastic box in the barkdust--now in dozens of shards and pieces. I picked up all the plastic bits and scraps of gauze--finding no evidence of tooth. I almost wanted to cry, thinking how after all we'd been through now we'd have to sift through dog excrement if we wanted to preserve this little piece of Madelyn's childhood. It was a pretty big "if."

Then walking back inside, something caught my eye on the patio. Six feet away from the box's destruction site lay a tiny white pearl with three pointy legs. It was completely intact (amazing because of the broken filling), but had been systematically licked clean by a Husky who we shall assume is Kezia, because she is the pest who does things like this. I was so relieved to have found it that I hardly cared about being mad at the dog (which wouldn't do any good hours after the incident anyway).  I was so happy to show Madelyn before her goodnight kiss that I'd saved the day!

Best Tooth Fairy Ever.

How to throw an awesome Easter party

I really love throwing parties, especially when I have a theme to work with. The Easter party I threw last Saturday for Madelyn and her friends was a huge success, so I've just got to share our fun ideas!

I do want to mention that this party involved a lot of advance preparation, and I "accidentally" stayed at work until 9:30pm the night before the event.  Because of this, I stayed up until 2:30am making food and preparing the house, then got up at 6:30am to make more food and complete the final touches. Thanks to my mom, dad, and brother arriving 45 minutes early to help, everything was ready to go at party time with very little stress.  That is usually my major downfall as a hostess--I want everything fresh at showtime but that leaves too many things to do at the last minute so I'm frazzled as guests arrive. It's frustrating, so I made a concerted effort to avoid that scenario this time.  It worked, and those first 20 minutes of this party were so much more pleasant than in the past!  And I didn't even feel very sleepy until the next day.

Two days in advance, Madelyn helped me make these adorable bird's nest treats. I found the recipe with Oriental Trading Co's free & fun Easter ideas right here. They are actually supposed to be Easter baskets, but the licorice rope handle proved difficult and took away from their finished look, in my opinion.  

See how cute?!

We also had Easter Bunny carrot cupcakes (sans ears--I never came up with a good idea for the ears) which look okay but the secret is that I have the best carrot cake recipe in the entire world so they are scrumptious! 

And I am SO pleased with the way these rainbow Jell-o cubes turned out. I modified a red-white-and-pink Valentine's recipe to create the rainbow layers. A little plain yogurt makes the Jell-o opaque so it looks super-awesome. And they're tasty too!

We served a full brunch spread too: fresh fruit tray including my favorite: fresh pineapple, a Dijon pasta salad, mini ham & cheese fritattas (made in mini muffin tin), and turkey & spinach pinwheels (I'm a sucker for anything made with refrigerated crescent dough).  

Everything looked so pretty and turned out mighty tasty. Which is a relief because I tried several brand-new recipes for this party!

While food is certainly an important element of any good party, it's not always the main attraction, especially when kids are the target audience. 

Late the night before, I had the table all set with the necessary supplies to make these adorable bunny pops.  Oriental Trading made this craft incredibly easy by providing a printable template for the bunny (but I typed up my own version of the instructions).  Madelyn and I had made samples to display in advance. 

I found the perfect pastel suckers at Dollar Tree without any logos on the wrappers, which I think makes them extra-cute (vs. Dum-Dum suckers in the original).

This was a great activity that kids and parents could do at their leisure. I've learned it's easiest to have do-it-yourself activities at parties like this to allow for freedom to mingle rather than a regimented agenda. 

For another simple come-and-go activity I set out Easter coloring pages and colored pencils on the coffee table (covered with butcher paper). 

The "main event" of the party was our Easter Basket "Hunt."  Since I wanted a game that was fun and fair for 16 guests aged 2 to 10, and without the assurance of a sunny day for an outdoor egg hunt, I had to find an alternative. I modified an idea I found somewhere online to create this concept.  I created a small Easter basket filled with little goodies for every child, then tied a piece of yarn to the handle. Then I weaved the yarn through the room--around chair legs, over and under the table, etc. and attached the other end of the yarn to the floor with an Easter nametag sticker on which I wrote the child's name. This was the project I was just finishing at 2:30am. :)

 

Here are some of the kids and parents lining up by their name in anticipation!

I could foresee the possibility of this activity being either utter chaos, or possibly worse: not very fun. Rather, it went smoothly and seemed to be a huge hit!  

It brings me a lot of joy to entertain friends this way and I am so thrilled that everyone had a good time. I got to know some other parents at Madelyn's new school a little better too, which was a primary reason I wanted to host this event. 

Happy Easter Party!

Bun in the Oven

Gary and I found out the day after Thanksgiving that we are finally expecting our second child. Of course we are thrilled and had fun sharing the news with family and friends over the Holidays. 

We wanted Madelyn to be the first to know.  Assuming she wouldn't keep the secret, we told her the night before her 5th birthday, when we planned to share the news with the rest of the family. 

Gary read Madelyn a special book I made for her. It's a story about how much everybody loves her with a surprise ending which says, "because Madelyn is so very special...everyone knows...that the new baby will love her too." You can read the book here; it is pretty cute. 

It took Madelyn a minute and some additional explanation to understand. Her reaction is hilarious--make sure you hear her final comment at :35.

"I'm pretty nervous about a little leg poking out your...bagina." 

Madelyn asked each of her grandparents to read this book to her when they arrived before her birthday party. I wore this "bun in the oven" shirt I had made at the party to surprise the rest of our family and friends. 

And then our Christmas Card/Announcement spread the message far and wide. 

It's a happy 2012 so far in our new home with a baby on the way.

Kezia's ACL surgery

Introductions
This is Kezia. Pronunciation rhymes with amnesia and is a derivative of a Hebrew word for cinnamon tree - chosen to describe our Siberian Husky's unusual color.  Kezia and her brother Loki (named for the Norse god of mischief) were born January 30, 2003 and have been members of our family since weeks before then as we anticipated their arrival.

The Incident Thursday, August 4, 2011 ~ 8:30am

Halfway up the stairs, where they turn at a landing, Kezia cried out in pain and halted her ascent. She yelped again and again but eventually limped her way to the top. She stopped crying and laid down so after offering some comfort by way of pets and smooches, I left her alone hoping that The Incident was merely a brief moment of discomfort.

Serious
When Kezia attempted to walk, she held her back right leg above ground, awkwardly hopping on three good legs to avoid putting any weight on the fourth. I palpated her paw and ankle, flexed and extended her leg, hoping to discover the source of the pain, but Kezia never winced during these attempts. Through a concerned phone call, Gary and I agreed Kezia should see a veterinarian. Our usual vet is not nearby, so I clicked around online and discovered a walk-in clinic here in town.

I loaded up both dogs and packed a picnic for Madelyn and me, knowing a stop at the park afterward would make the excursion more enjoyable for all.  I was impressed with the walk-in vet clinic: no appointment necessary (or even accepted) and a very short wait.

Diagnosis
The doctor asked a few questions and then knelt to check out Kezia's leg. Within moments he elicited her yelp which immediately confirmed a diagnosis. Kezia had torn her Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) - an injury most common in serious athletes.  

Do you know where a dog's knee is? For all my education in human anatomy and physiology, I've never really thought about a dog's knee, which forms the rounded front of the hind legs.

The veterinarian performed the action in the right photo to determine that Kezia's tibia freely moved forward away from her femur--no longer held in place by the connective tissue between them.  You can see that if Kezia were to step on that foot, the tibia would slip right out from under the femur, causing collapse. He explained that knee injuries are very common in dogs because their knee joints are constantly flexed; there is always pressure on the knee. It would be like walking around in a half squat all day. 

This news was fairly shocking to me, as I suspected a minor twist or strain, not permanent physical damage. 

Prognosis

The only way to correct a torn ACL is through surgery. The veterinarian showed me the procedure on a tiny canine skeleton, but explained that he isn't comfortable performing it and recommended a highly skilled surgeon in Portland. When he awaited my response I said quietly, "It sounds expensive." Probably around two thousand dollars, he told me, and my chest tightened a little as I gazed at my poor puppy. 

I paid my bill for the visit and numbly took the sheet of paper with the referral hospital's information from the receptionist. I tried to remain calm and control my shallow breathing for Madelyn's sake as we climbed back into the Yukon. But when I called my husband at work to share the news, I couldn't hold back tears. In addition to the sadness of seeing my baby in pain, we are in the process of moving to a new house (including making some minor-but-still-costly renovations) and were set to leave on an exciting-but-unavoidably-expensive family vacation in just over one week. This unanticipated expense was surfacing at a very bad time. 

More Bad News

I called the clinic suggested by the vet. The surgeon would not be able to see us for a consultation until the following Friday. I was not interested in allowing Kezia to suffer for another week, plus that would be the day before our vacation departure so there would be no time to perform the operation before we left town. The receptionist gave me phone numbers for two other pet hospitals. Even though I'd already heard the estimate from the first vet, I decided to ask for a ball park figure for the surgery--just in case he was wrong. It turns out he was wrong.  Without an apologetic note in her voice, the receptionist delivered their price: $3,400 to $3,700. "And I think we're all about the same" she said, referring to the other phone numbers she'd provided. 

I hung up the phone in shock. I thought two grand was exorbitant; nearly double that was simply outrageous! Madelyn was getting restless in her carseat, so I started driving toward the park, piecing together all this information in an attempt to determine a solution to the puzzle. 

The Picnic

I wasn't really in the mood for a picnic anymore, but I knew Madelyn was still counting on it. Because we had the dogs with us, I decided on a whim to go to the playground that also has an off-leash dog park nearby. Kezia might not have much fun, but at least Loki could burn off some energy. As we pulled up to the playground, I told Madelyn we'd take the dogs to their park after our picnic. But Madelyn suggested we have our picnic in the dog area instead. Normally I'd insist we stick with my plan because it's kind of gross to eat in the dog park. Perhaps I wasn't of the mindset to explain right then and I think I found Madelyn's desire to share our picnic experience with Loki and Kezia endearing at that moment, so I turned around and we carried our adorable picnic basket through the double gates along with one fit and one disabled dog. 

The Stranger

There were two other dog owners in the park, possibly judging my parental aptitude for allowing a child to dine amid feces and urine but I didn't care. There is a picnic table, sheesh. The young woman sitting there said kindly, "Do you know your dog is limping?"

I nearly lashed out screaming at her that of COURSE I know my dog is limping do you think I am some kind of IDIOT she is literally walking on three legs it's not like I am BLIND what kind of heartless IMBECILE do you think I am?!? But I resisted and simply replied that yes, we had just come from the vet. And then sniffled. 

I'm sure I already looked quite dejected, and then I called Gary with the Bad News described above. Thirty-seven hundred dollars. More tears. Especially when Gary reluctantly brought up Kezia's relative age and life expectancy. I mean, I completely understand the humanity of putting down a dog that is deteriorating--dying. If there isn't quality of life left to be lived, then euthanasia can be a loving option. But an injury with an available solution is not the same, and the idea of putting Kezia to sleep felt to me simply like murder.

I finally sat, wiping tears, adjacent to the young woman who also had two dogs with her. Her Golden Retrievers were lying panting in the shade under the table, and the white hairs freckling their faces told me they were probably older than my own dogs. She inquired--about the tears, the limping dog--and I told her Kezia had torn her ACL and it will cost over $3,500 to fix it and we don't know what we're going to do. 

This girl shared that one of her dogs had a tumor removed a few years ago. She was told the surgery would cost $2,000 but a vet in Astoria removed it for $500. Before leaving, she expressed her well wishes and I memorized the name of the veterinarian and his clinic in Astoria. That is 90 minutes away from home, but it would be worth it if the surgery could be done for a fourth of the anticipated cost! Using that math, maybe we could make Kezia better for around $800 instead. I left the dog park with hope.

Research

I Googled Columbia Veterinary Hospital and found the recommended Dr. Goza in Astoria. But each time I tried calling the line was busy or they were closed for lunch. Meanwhile I called my mom and my closest friend for some sympathy. Barb recommended a local vet, which led me to another series of phone calls. Throughout the day I researched torn canine ACL and the surgical options on the web and youtube, periodically shedding a few more tears. Madelyn didn't like it when I cried. Each time, she pulled out a blank birthday card from a box in my office, colored in it, and gave it to me to help me feel better. 

When Gary got home from work we discussed everything I'd learned: one vet was out of town, one recommended waiting until after our vacation to do the surgery, none would give me an estimate on the cost because "it depends on a lot of factors." I realized then that I still hadn't reached the clinic in Astoria. It was after 5pm, but I decided to try again in case they were still open. 

Finally, Good News

Dr. Goza at Columbia Veterinary Hospital could see Kezia the next morning and perform the surgery that evening. Since we live out of the area (and I had to return to Aloha for our big remodeling project at Curves scheduled that weekend) we were invited to leave her overnight. We got a ball park figure here: three to five hundred dollars! I find this difference mind-boggling! And we were finally filled with relief that we could help Kezia without severe financial burden.

Columbia Veterinary Hospital

Madelyn, Kezia, and I left Friday morning and drove an hour and a half to Astoria. The clinic was dim and not especially clean. The building caused faint memories of summer camp mess halls and health clinics to surface. None of the staff members wore scrubs or a uniform of any kind. They all--including the doctor himself--sported jeans and ill-fitting tops that appeared to have been purchased in the nineties. Dr. Goza reminded me so much of an actor I couldn't place. Thanks to IMDb, I later determined it is Spalding Gray, an obscure memory indeed, as I've only ever seen him in Beaches many years ago. But he also looked a little like "Doc" from Back to the Future--sort of a mad scientist vibe. 

I didn't take any pictures of Dr. Goza myself, but here is one I borrowed from this nice tribute to him. 

Dr. Goza was friendly, yet to-the-point. His objective was to make my dog better and he knew how to do that.  After telling me nonchalantly that the operation would cost $300, he offered an unsolicited explanation for the hospitals in Portland charging $4000 because "if you can't pay it, someone else can." He went on to say that in a small town, he simply can't watch all the dogs limping around. I kissed Kezia goodbye, he led her into the back, and that was that. 

Post-Op

After another 90-minute drive the next morning, Madelyn and I greeted Kezia back at the clinic. Her leg was shaved and 18 stainless-steel sutures lined the 5-inch incision along her knee. She was a little out of it and drooly because of the pain medication. Dr. Goza said that the surgery went perfectly. Kezia's Cruciate Ligament was completely severed, but her knee was the perfect surgical candidate. He commended us for bringing her in right away and complimented Kezia's overall physical condition, which benefits the surgical outcome and her recovery. 

After thanking Dr. Goza, I slowly led my hopping dog to the front desk to pay. There, she got a lot of sympathetic looks and comments from other waiting pet owners.  With Kezia's two prescriptions in hand, I started writing the check. "Three hundred dollars" the receptionist said. I reminded her that I also had two bottles of pills. "Yep, three hundred dollars."

Incredible. ACL surgery, pain meds, and antibiotics for $300. It was already such a good deal, I would not have balked at an additional cost for the pills. I should mention that Dr. Goza performed a different procedure than the one we would have likely paid for in Portland. I read all about the newfangled surgery called TPLO (Tibial Plateau Leveling Osteotomy) but Dr. Goza said 75% of vets still do what he does and it is nearly as effective for a much nicer price tag. 

The morning after surgery

Close-up of incision

Sleepless Night

The first night at home was tough--Kezia seemed to be in a lot of pain and let us know it. I eventually slept on the floor with Kezia, mainly in an effort to facilitate a better night for Gary so he could be rested for work. I discovered that when Kezia starting whining I could help her calm down if I was close. Also, a few times in the night she struggled to get up, then walked around aimlessly. Since she couldn't easily go downstairs to the dog door, I put her on leash and took her out the front door a few times, although often she would stand there without relieving herself. It was confusing and frustrating not knowing how to help, not wanting a mess on the carpet inside, wanting her to be comfortable, but also yearning desperately for sleep. It was much like having a newborn baby. Thankfully, after the first night she didn't seem to be in as much pain. 

20 Days

As I mentioned, we took a vacation a week after Kezia's surgery. She and Loki boarded in a kennel operated by a friend of mine on her farm. I was glad to be leaving Kezia with someone I knew personally in her condition. While we were gone Kezia did a lot of healing and she is now lightly putting her foot down when she walks much of the time. The fur is growing back on her leg. We are so relieved with the outcome of what began as a very emotional day. 

August 25, 2011 - 20 days post-op

Close-up of incision

In Conclusion

I feel like this outcome was somewhat miraculous. I never would have known about Dr. Goza had it not been for the kind stranger who felt compelled to start a conversation and share with me. Had I responded rudely when she asked about Kezia's limp, she may not have done so. Had we eaten our picnic at the playground first, she might have been gone before we arrived. We so rarely go to that dog park anyway, it was an amazing coincidence to be there at all. I want so badly to thank this young woman and tell her it all worked out wonderfully, because of her. As for the vet who referred me to the expensive surgeon, I'll probably bring Kezia there next week to have her sutures removed, and I plan to explain our story and urge him to let patients know about other, more affordable options. 

Preschool macabre

Breakfast table conversation with a not-yet-four-year-old:

Without segue: "Mommy, I had the dream* when I pushed my friend Fanky** and she died. She died when I pushed her."

Grappling for the correct response: "That sounds like a scary dream, honey!"

Incredulous: "NO it's not!"

Tentatively: "I think that your friend dying is a little bit scary."

Confused: "No...dying is fun."

Still unsure of how to proceed: "Have you ever died before, Madelyn?"

As if it is so obvious: "Yes."

Curious: "Oh? How did you die?"

Matter-of-factly: "When a T-Rex ate me."

Thoroughly amused: "Really. When did this happen?"

Growing tired of this line of questioning: "In one hundred days."

These kinds of hilarious discussions are becoming more frequent as Madelyn's imagination and aperture of life experience are simultaneously expanded faster than her comprehension of reality can keep up.***

*This is the first time Madelyn has ever spoken about a dream or even indicated that she might understand that they occur.

**We hear references to a friend named "Fanky" who does not seem to actually exist.

***Bet you thought now that NaBloPoMo is over you wouldn't see a post from me for six months or so.  Ha HA! I proved you wrong.

Curly hair FAIL

The other day I got me some of them foam rollers that you wear overnight. My vision: after an evening shower, throw the curlers on wet hair, wake up with gorgeous wavy locks.  Quick, easy beauty. And hey, I bet Madelyn would think this pretty fun, with bonus bonding time for us. 

Last night I skipped one of my workouts because I had not been feeling well all day. Madelyn and I had a hot tub party instead, followed by a shower. I felt so much better afterward. It was a perfect time to try out our curlers, since we both had wet hair and I didn't have any commitments early this morning that would require a decent appearance. You know, in case they didn't work out so well. Ahem.

How to Curl your Hair

in Eight Easy Steps:

Step 1: Install foam curlers

Madelyn was very patient with the process, which surprised me a bit because she doesn't even like to have her hair braided or put in a ponytail. 

The package suggested twisting the hair for a "spiral" curl. That sounded fun. 

Step 2: Pose in anticipation

All done! (Madelyn didn't wear that handkerchief very long, but she wanted to try it out.)

Step 3: Endure very uncomfortable night with plastic lumps all over your head

Step 4: Wake up and remove curlers

Step 5: Marvel at the utter FAIL before your eyes

Have you ever wondered what I would look like with an afro? I actually haven't, but behold the answer.

Seriously. all I need is my pick. Curly hair: FAIL. Afro: WIN. 

Step 6: Go for a run in the rain

A ponytail can hardly contain this hot mess!

Step 7: Wash away all traces of this mistake

Showered and back to my normal self.  Sigh of relief.

Step 8: Return curlers to whence they came

Prepare to meet your maker, foam rollers. Assuming Goody has a satisfaction guarantee, that is.  That 'fro was NOT worth such a horrible, poky, lumpy night's sleep. 

Madelyn's hair, on the other hand, turned out pretty darn cute, even fashionably completing the look with her new 80's rocker outfit. But she says she doesn't want to sleep in curlers again, so they're still going back to the store. 

Grilled cheesy adventure

Laaaast Christmas I bought one of those "half price deals" from a radio station website and put it in my husband's stocking. The gift certificate was for a restaurant called The Grilled Cheese Grill, which I had never heard of. But it sounded right up our alley because a) we love grilled cheese sandwiches and the ad implied that this place expands the culinary delight to new heights, b) they are open very late, and the idea of a midnight run for grilled cheese is the kind of thing that we would have totally done back before we had a child sleeping, and c) the restaurant is in a bus. Yeah.

The problem is, The Grilled Cheese Grill is located far on the other side of town where we rarely have business, too far to reasonably drive just to get a grilled cheese sandwich, even if it is served in a school bus.

Fast forward to thiiiiiis year, when I was contemplating how to celebrate Gary's birthday. We tend to honor birthdays by doing something more often than giving something.  My friend Sarah gave me the idea to check out Ape Cave, and while researching, I figured out that The Grilled Cheese Grill is only a few blocks off the path to get there. It was the perfect excuse to use the gift certificate and try a fun, new place for a special birthday lunch. And the best part is, I discovered that the certificate I had purchased was going to expire at the end of the month, so the timing could not have been better!

As we walked along the sidewalk in Northeast Portland toward our surprise destination, we encountered this:

In case it isn't clear, that is a wooden utility pole covered with a four-inch layer of damp flyers.  They had been partially torn off to provide this stunning cross-section of so many lost kitties, grunge band performances, and bikes for sale. I love this picture. 

The Grilled Cheese Grill was everything I had hoped for and then some. The concept of a mostly-outdoor restaurant doesn't usually swoon me in early November, but at least it wasn't raining. 

In addition to the outdoor picnic tables, this old school bus had been converted into a dining area as well.  The entire ceiling is painted with a semi-frightening mural the title of which might be "Otto's acid trip."  We found ourselves fielding questions like, "Mommy, why doesn't that cat have a head?" and "Ha ha! That skeleton is wearing pants!"

While we waited for our sandwiches to be grilled, Madelyn played bus driver. She is wearing those hideous silver sparkly shoes. We hate them, she loves them. What are you gonna do?

And then. And THEN. Our glorious grilled cheese sandwiches were served. Mine was called the BABS: bacon, apples, bleu cheese, and swiss on rye.  This taste sensation might be enough to make me say OMG, if only I were not fundamentally opposed to uttering that abomination. I will say that it was so yummy that tomato soup dipping was unnecessary. Gary got The Pops with ham, tomato, havarti, and honey mustard on Dave's Killer Cracked Wheat. We wanted to get the requisite tomato soup of course, plus a kids' grilled cheese for Madelyn. A la carte, this would have cost $21.75 (actually not a bad deal for a 3-person lunch). But they have this cleverly titled special called  Fromage a Trois where you get three sandwiches ("one for me, one for you, one to split") plus two soups or two chips for $17.50. So instead of the kids' sandwich, we got The Gabby, which features four cheeses, to share with Madelyn. Our gift certificate was a $20 value, and of course they don't give change, so the $1.75 charge to add ham to Gary's choice brought us up to $19.25--perfect!

The food was delicious and the concept so unique and fun that we'd consider driving all the way over there. Just for a Grilled Cheese Grill grilled cheese sandwich. Because I still really want to try The Jalapeño Popper and The Hot Brie. Plus--and this is a BIG plus--they also have sweet grilled cheese sandwiches.  Various combinations of brie, Nutella, marscarpone, bananas,and peanut butter grilled between cinnamon swirl or white bread. You can even add bacon to create The Fat Elvis. Yes, we will definitely need to venture out to The Grilled Cheese Grill again. 

Flashback Friday: Madelyn's Birth Day

My daughter entered this world in our home on December 14, 2006, 46 minutes before her official "due date."  In the days that followed, I recorded a journal of her birth based on my personal recollection combined with notes my mother made. These notes were important for piecing together the timing and sequence of events, as a woman's mind lost in natural labor doesn't pay attention to such details.

I want to share this story as part of my series of "family history" flashbacks. It is very personal and real. If you're squeamish about childbirth or pain, you may wish to skip this one.  Until today, I'm fairly certain I had not read these words since shortly after they were written. The emotions they stirred in me are powerful and beautiful. I am not only grateful for this most incredible experience in my life, but for the fact that I had the sense to record it in such detail so that I may never forget.  And thus, it serves as the perfect Thanksgiving-weekend tribute.

MADELYN’S BIRTH DAY

On Thursday, December 14, 2006 I woke up at 6:40am feeling what I thought might be a contraction.  It was fairly uncomfortable, but I wondered if I just needed to go to the bathroom.  Having never experienced labor contractions, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  The same pain returned every 20 minutes, so I was pretty sure they were contractions.  After two hours I got out of bed, and the contractions did not return.  I was a little disappointed because it meant I was not in labor after all.

I did a few things on the computer, read a few chapters in “On Becoming Babywise,” and then played some “Dance Dance Revolution” on Playstation, hoping to stimulate labor to begin.  I talked to my mom on the phone, and she informed me that there was a pretty major storm coming in tonight, so she was going to be staying with Diana and Randy next door since Dad was out of town and she didn’t want to be home alone if the power went out.  She planned to work out at Curves and then watch Diana’s boys so she could also work out.  I called Diana and offered to watch her kids so she and Mom could work out together, but she said Randy would actually be home.  But she asked if I would come over and play with Kaden while she ran to the post office.  So I went over there around 4:00pm, and just before Diana got back from her errand, those pains returned.  While talking to Diana before I walked home, I tried to brush them off, thinking it probably wasn’t the real thing. 

Back at home, I had two or three contractions in a row, several minutes apart, but for some reason I still wasn’t sure they were really contractions.  It sort of felt like a gas bubble passing through.  Gary thought I should call the midwives, just to let them know something was happening, especially since there was a storm on the way.  I thought it was too early to call them, but I did it anyway.  After my first call, the contractions kept coming regularly.  They were already getting quite painful.  After a few calls back and forth with Wendy and Linda, they decided it was time to come out.  Linda was quite concerned about the storm, fearing a downed tree would block our route to the hospital.  To reassure her, Gary drove from our house all the way out to the freeway, reporting plenty of traffic, all the power on, and not so much as twigs on the roads.  He wasn’t worried anyway because we know so many ways to get where we’d need to go.  But I’m glad he made the effort to put Linda’s mind at ease.  Our midwives Wendy and Bonnie headed out from East Portland into rush hour, stormy weather traffic toward our home.

I called my mom to tell her that I was in labor, and things were getting difficult, so I hoped she would come right over instead of going to Curves first.  She was only a few minutes away from home, where the power had just gone out.  She told me she was so glad that she was already planning on staying at the Fairhursts’ tonight, because she had spent the morning getting ready to go and packing, which would have been far more difficult to do now that there was no power.

Gary and I changed the sheets on the bed, put away the comforter and laid out my handmade birth blanket.  We had all our birth supplies set up on tables in our room, ready to go.  I felt as prepared as I could have been for this moment.  And I was so excited thinking that it would not be very long before we’d finally meet our beautiful baby!  We joked a little bit that Madelyn is already showing she’s a drama queen, choosing to be born on the night of the big winter storm. J  In early labor I mostly laid on my bed or leaned over it, just trying to get through the contractions.  I was concerned because if it was already this painful, I wasn’t sure how I’d make it through the really difficult parts! 

It took a while for my mom to get here because a road was closed due to flooding.  I was glad when she arrived, because Gary had left to check the roads to the freeway.  I was so pleased that my mother could be with me for this, even though the idea of giving birth at home was a little scary and strange for her.  Her support by my side meant a lot to me.  I asked her to take pictures, and shared that I would like candid, story-telling shots, not smile-for-the-camera shots.  My mother did an excellent job and we have some beautiful photographs to remember this special night.

I had started recording the times of my contractions early on so that I would have a record to show the midwives when they arrived.  After a while, it was pretty obvious this was true labor, but my mom helped me continue to record the times anyway.  My contractions remained about 5 minutes apart for most of labor.  Other than that, I had no sense of time.  Labor is a powerful drug that takes you to the place you need to be to get through it.  And that place is in the body, not the mind.  Our power went out a little while after my mom got here.  We got out all the flashlights and battery-lanterns.  It was actually kind of neat to labor quietly in the dark, hearing the winds whistling through the trees outside. 

Diana and Randy stopped in to see how I was doing, which was really nice of them.  I was glad they came over, but because my contractions were pretty painful, it was difficult to enjoy their company.  I was glad to be able to talk to my dad on the phone a few times.  He was a little disappointed that Madelyn didn’t wait for him to come home from his Utah trip to be born, but he was so sweet and supportive on the phone.  It would have been nice if my dad could have been here for her birth, but I have to admit I did not want to wait!

Loki and Kezia were so relaxed; they actually slept through most of labor.  Their presence was very calming and comforting to me.  I don’t know if they had any idea what was happening, but it brought me peace to have them nearby and be able to snuggle with them when I wanted to.

Eventually Wendy and Bonnie, our midwives, made it here through the terrible traffic.  Gary gave them the cozy socks with rubber traction that I had gotten for them for our slick, cold hardwood floors.  After checking on me and giving some sweet words of encouragement, they went to work setting up supplies and organizing.  They listened to Madelyn’s heartbeat during a few contractions, checked my blood pressure and that sort of thing, but were very quiet and slow, mostly observing.

I thought it would feel nice to get in the hot tub, but Gary was pretty worried about debris in the storm hitting me outside.  At one point the winds calmed down and so he helped me get in and stood outside in the cold with me.  After only a few contractions in the hot tub, the winds picked back up, and Gary thought we would be safer inside.  Coming in from the hot tub I was very chilled, but I got dry and wrapped in a cozy robe. 

I would get very hot during contractions, and then in between them I would shiver at the cold.  I kept taking the robe or blankets on and off because my temperature was fluctuating so much.  I remember having no thoughts whatsoever about modesty, my mind and body were just completely focused on the work of labor.  I felt very primal, and tried my best to listen to my body and work with the labor, not against it.  I didn’t have any specific pain-coping techniques that I felt worked well.  I just tried to remind myself during each contraction that it would end soon.  I also focused on my breathing, and tried to relax.  That was the hardest part; I noticed myself tensing my body during contractions.  Another thing that worked for me was allowing my body to make the noises that felt natural.  I needed to moan through the pain.  My mom, Wendy and Bonnie all helped soothe me and tried to help me relax.  Gary was a great labor partner.  He remained quiet and calm, brought me water and juice, did anything I asked of him, and told me I was doing great.  One of the most helpful things was when he put pressure on my lower back during contractions.  That felt really good.

Everyone was quiet and calm, and the darkness was almost romantic.  Gary asked if I’d like to take a walk around the house, so we did.  It was a tender moment for just the two of us to be together.  I went into Madelyn’s nursery and sat in the rocking chair.  That actually seemed to help during contractions, so I stayed.  Then three contractions happened right in a row, without the usual break between.  We went back to our bedroom, but Gary brought the rocking chair in there because I liked sitting in it. 

I told everyone about the three strong contractions in a row, and my mom wondered why the midwives hadn’t checked yet to see how far I was dilated.  Bonnie said that they will check me whenever I want them to.  I was nervous to have them check, because after all the pain and hard work I’d been through, I didn’t want to be disappointed at a lack of progress and get my mind thinking in terms of “labor math.”  But then while I was standing over the bed, I had a really intense contraction.  It made me want to cry it hurt so bad, and Bonnie held me and let me cry on her shoulder.  I believe it was at that time or maybe the next one that my water broke, and the pain was so intense that I could hardly speak, so I remember trying to mutter, ‘It broke. My water just broke,” since I’m not sure anyone could see that in the dark.  Someone quickly cleaned up the puddle on the floor.  I also had a little urge to bear down!  That’s when I decided I wanted to see how far I was dilated, because I was confident that I had to be getting close.  I was so surprised to be feeling the urge to push.  I actually had no idea how much time had passed, but it felt so soon to be getting near the end! 

I laid down on the bed while Bonnie checked my dilation, and she said I was at about 8 centimeters!  I was so glad, but that meant that I needed to hold off on pushing until I was a little further dilated.  So I laid down on my side to counteract gravity’s effect on my urge to push.  I breathed quick, shallow breaths to keep from pushing, which was difficult.  The lights came on during this time.  Gary placed a cool washcloth on my head, which felt wonderful.  Soon Bonnie checked me again and said that my cervix was ready and it was okay to push now!  It felt natural to just roll up onto my hands and knees for pushing.  Then in between I could rest my head down. 

Pushing felt so wonderful.  I mean it really hurt, but there was something so relieving about it.  I could actually feel her little head moving through the birth canal, and I don’t recall that part hurting very much.  I was able to control my breathing and push slowly and deliberately.  Gary got to see her first wisps of dark hair inside me and watch the birth.  Wendy stayed by my head to give me support, and once again the power went out.

When Madelyn’s head was crowning it was very exciting, I couldn’t believe I was nearly done and she was almost in my arms!  I kept thinking of that reward and so was able to stay focused on getting through this last, difficult part.  The stretching of the vaginal opening burned quite a bit.  Bonnie applied counter pressure to the perineum, and I tried not to push too fast so I wouldn’t tear as much.  Gary told me when her head was coming out, and he sounded so excited. 

After a little rest, I pushed the rest of our baby out with the next contraction.  Bonnie handed her between my legs into my arms, and I was able to sit back and hold the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  I am crying now as I write this, because the memory is so vivid and wonderful.  I clutched my baby girl to my chest and looked at every little part of her.  I couldn’t believe this perfect little being came out of me.  At the time, I didn’t cry because I think I was still under the power of Laborland.  I was so elated to have my daughter in my arms, and so relieved that labor was over and I did it!

Someone pointed out that the lights were back on, and we realized that the power must have returned near the exact moment that Madelyn’s head emerged.  I attribute that to the arrival of her electrifying spirit.  J 

We toweled Madelyn clean, and after the cord stopped pulsing, Daddy Gary got to cut it.  Then I got to nurse our baby for the first time, with Gary by my side.  That stimulated contractions to push the placenta out.  Wendy showed us how it worked inside me to nourish our precious baby.  The next day Gary planted it under Madelyn’s own Golden Delicious Apple tree in our backyard, so it will continue to nourish the tree and us by its fruit.

Wendy and Bonnie helped get everything cleaned up, and finished the necessary procedures to take care of the new baby and new mommy.  When they were sure everyone was healthy and happy, they left.  At 4:00am, Gary and I, exhausted and blissful new parents, went to sleep in our own bed, with baby Madelyn Bryce Winter finally in our arms.

(Click to enlarge)

Editorial: It's hard to say when labor officially began, but if we assume it was around 4:30 or 5pm when I returned from Diana's house, and Madelyn was born at 11:14pm, then my labor was only 6-7 hours. I recall that I was pushing for only about 20 minutes. There are SO many factors at play in every birth scenario, but I feel strongly that my mental preparation and choice of surroundings was an integral piece in the puzzle of my successful birth experience. Thank you Vivante Midwifery for facilitating this joyous occasion for our family.