August's birth story

The Story of August Lincoln’s Birth

July 29, 2012

My intuition was that this baby would be born earlier than his due date of August 2^nd.  I believe the feeling was more authentic than merely my desire to not be uncomfortably pregnant any more.  I prepared everything at home for birth in advance, but it wasn’t until some important tasks at work were complete that I was able to allow myself to feel truly “ready” to have the baby.  By Friday, July 27^th, everything was in order and I welcomed labor to begin any time.

Since I was still pregnant on Saturday, Madelyn and I attended the Curves “Royal Tea Party” that Diana and our team member Norine had worked very hard to organize.  At first I was a little disappointed to be going back into work instead of having a baby, but I am incredibly grateful that I was able to witness this amazing event where about 70 of our Curves members came together to celebrate and share success stories. Their words were inspiring and reinforced the meaning and immaterial rewards of our work at Curves. It was a beautiful experience for me. As expected, I was frequently asked how much longer I had to go or if I was ready to have the baby.  I earnestly replied that I’d be happy to have the baby tonight. 

And that night, Saturday, July 28^th, I began having mild contractions after Madelyn went to bed. I busied myself with some of the preparations on my “labor to-do list,” such as setting out tea and snacks, picking up clutter around the house, etc.  Around 11pm I realized that if labor was really starting, I would be in the throes of it through the night without any sleep.  I decided to lie down and try to rest, thinking that maybe the contractions would go away while I benefitted from some sleep. And it worked. I was able to sleep for several hours before a contraction woke me at 3am. Ten minutes later another one, and they were fairly strong. 

I was hesitant to page the midwives since it was the middle of the night and I wanted to be sure labor was truly beginning before bothering them. Gary practically insisted however, and we both agreed that they would at least want to know something was happening so they could be prepared, even if they didn’t come right away.  (Reading over Madelyn's birth story, I see the same situation: Gary had to insist that I page the midwives because I hesitated to bother them). I spoke with Wendy around 3:30am and she was glad I paged her. By 4am the contractions were definitely getting more powerful and regular, so I called Wendy again and she determined that they would head over.  At 4:15am I was on the phone with my mother letting her know that the time had come! She arrived just after 5am and the three midwives—Wendy, Merka, and Lauren—arrived about half an hour later. 

Gary took Loki and Kezia for a walk so they could expel some energy. When Madelyn was born it was their bedtime so they were very calm. This time, their day was just beginning and they were excited about all the new people in the house. I did not mind him leaving because I was surrounded by love and encouragement and Madelyn was still sleeping.

My mother was wonderfully supportive and helpful, and once again I was deeply grateful to have her by my side through this challenging experience. Mom is great at making notes of small details and she also captured some wonderful photographs of the morning.  I was also extremely pleased with the team of midwives supporting me. Each of these women brought a different style of support and they were absolutely perfect for me.  Merka and Lauren were especially helpful in suggesting different positions, calmly reminding me to relax specific areas of my body, and providing physical support through contractions. It was very special for Wendy to be with us again, as she also attended Madelyn’s birth five and a half years ago.

Labor was intense – the contractions seemed to be at full speed ahead right from the get-go. I sought relief from a heating pad early on, but mainly labored leaning over the bed. It felt best to sway my hips and have someone press firmly on my hips or lower back. Many times the contractions blended together – two or three crests in a row without a full break between them for reprieve. I don’t believe labor was any easier this second time, although it was 3 hours shorter.

When I felt the first urge to bear down, I was lying on my side on the bed, and couldn’t believe that I already felt “pushy.” It seemed as though the midwives had only just arrived and I doubted that it could be time to push already. But the thought elicited hope that this could all be over very soon. According to my mother’s notes, I had Lauren check my cervix at 6:23am and it was almost completely open and effaced.

I recall badly wanting my water to break – it felt as though something was “in the way” of the baby’s descent. Eventually the bag of waters broke while I was lying on my side; it felt like a POP with a big burst of fluid, although I don’t know if the reality was that extreme.

Gary woke Madelyn and brought her down to our bedroom at 6:30am. She looked adorable with her special doggy blanky on her shoulders, the one she was wrapped shortly after her own birth. One of the midwives commented on her blanket and five-year-old Madelyn stated, “I’ve had it my whole life.”

A few minutes later I was on the bed on my hands and knees pushing with each contraction. Just as with Madelyn’s birth, the productive pushing was a relief compared to the cervix-dilating contractions. I felt the baby move through the birth canal and was able to work with each contraction to bring him down and into the world. Madelyn sat on Gary’s lap near my head.  Gary says that she did great, although later she mentioned that she didn’t like the noises I made (my natural instinct has been to moan deeply with the pain). 

With one final push, baby August’s entire body emerged into Wendy’s hands and then she passed him into my arms.  It was 7:01am on Sunday, July 29, 2012. He was covered in vernix but had a healthy cry and soon his beautiful pink skin showed through.  His head is perfectly round and his tiny nose was squished to one side – I believe his hand was pushed against his face in the womb.

Madelyn was troubled by the baby’s crying, but we reassured her that he is supposed to do that.  We showed her the umbilical cord. Then the best part for Madelyn – she got to unwrap several “Big Sister” gifts we’d been saving for this special day, including some little toys that I’d intended for her to open during labor to give her something to do. But the timing of this birth eliminated that need. Madelyn was very excited about her little presents and forgot any concerns about the baby crying. 

August practically came out rooting, so I placed him to my breast soon after he was born. The little guy knew exactly what to do and started nursing right away. It was beautiful.

The placenta was delivered intact, and after the cord finished pulsing, Gary and Madelyn helped cut it.  My midwives noted three small, superficial tears, but determined that sutures were not necessary, for which I am extremely grateful. Gary made up a big batch of protein shakes for everyone who wanted one, and it tasted so good. 

It was precious to help Madelyn hold her baby brother for the first time. She was perfectly sweet and tender with him.

August Lincoln Winter weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz. and was 21 inches long. This is exactly 1 pound and 2 inches more than Madelyn at birth. The midwives completed all of the newborn care and screenings. He is tiny and perfect and we were immediately in love with him.

I took a heavenly hot shower, and when I emerged Lauren helped me dress and climb into the freshly made bed.  I was definitely tired but felt elated with the experience, now that it was over.

My dad and John arrived to meet the new baby. Gary had the brilliant idea to ask my parents if Madelyn could spend the day with them, if she wanted to go. Of course she did, so Madelyn got to attend part of their church and play with some cousins while Gary, August, and I rested for the whole day.  The midwives finished their work and left us in a clean, quiet house around 10am.  It was incredibly peaceful to be alone resting with our new baby and I am glad that Madelyn was able to have some fun instead of being bored at home! We are very appreciative of my parents for caring for her on this big day.

                                   

When my parents and Madelyn returned in the evening, my brother Bryan’s family was also visiting. Everyone enjoyed the jambalaya and rice that I’d planned ahead to serve the midwives (not a great breakfast food, but a delicious post-partum dinner to share with my family!).

Daddy read a special bedtime story to Madelyn and August called "On the Day You Were Born." This book was a gift for Madelyn when she was born. Gary got choked up reading the beautiful words about this little spirit joining our family and the world. It was a very touching moment. 

Because August slept so much all day, he had a little trouble getting to sleep when we were ready for bed. But eventually he settled down and we got a few hours of rest.

My dad returned the next night with a delicious salmon dinner to share. Afterward we celebrated with a small carrot cake decorated for August’s 0^th birthday.  Uncle Randy started this tradition when he brought a 0^th birthday cake over the night Madelyn was born.

We feel incredibly blessed to have this new, perfect little person in our family.  This labor was intense, but fortunately quite short (only four hours). And the end reward of a healthy, happy baby naturally joining the world in peace and love is worth every moment.

August Lincoln Winter ~ Born at home July 29, 2012

Home birth to-do list

The original title of this post was slated as "Preparing for Home Birth," but that heading implies to me that a description of the philosophical and mental preparations required to birth at home will follow.  A post with such a label might delve into suggested research and knowledge to acquire, examine pain-coping techniques, address one's acceptance of responsibility, and/or promote spiritual enlightenment surrounding the rite of passage that is bringing a baby beautifully and naturally into the world.

This post, rather, is a look at the extensive and somewhat amusing list of logistical preparations I am making in anticipation of giving birth at my house. My Birth To-Do List resembles one for planning a large party or going on a big trip. I can't help but chuckle when I look at my list and then consider that many women's logistical birth preparations end right around having a duffel bag packed for the hospital and the infant seat installed in the car.

Let's begin with a look at the supplies I've gathered.  Of course the midwives provide all of the essential medical supplies, equipment, and emergency provisions. But they do require that I order their pre-specified Birth Kit from a local supplier. It includes such items as lubricating jelly, perineal instant cold pads, umbilical cord ring, sterile and non-sterile gloves, sitz bath herbs, a newborn hat, and more. If you're really curious, the whole list is here.

In addition to this kit, I have a whole page of additional items to gather--some required, some suggested. This list includes such items as a home-made birth blanket (for which I recently discovered instructions that do specify to tie the quilt!!!), towels, extension cords, flashlights (we definitely made use of these last time), plastic garbage bags, baby clothing, and more. There is also a list of specific foods and beverages to have available, including electrolyte drinks, protein drinks and clear protein shots, yogurt, fruit, popsicles, and a meal for the midwives, family, and post-partum mother.  Again, for those interested: the complete list is here.

Befitting my personality type, I have not only gathered the supplies, but carefully organized them. My midwives were very pleased to see this setup when they came for their home-visit last week.

What I find more amusing than these supplies are the To-Do lists I created. One for advance preparations and one for when labor begins. Here's a taste.

Preparations:

• What to wear. No hospital gown here! Last time, after a brief soak in the hot tub (this was during a serious wind storm so Gary quickly ushered me back inside the house, fearing flying debris from our forested backyard), the clothes simply never went back on. I had no sense of a need for modesty under the spell of Laborland. I'm sure I will soak and possibly choose to birth in our large (indoor) tub, so I'll probably go with a bikini top and loose jersey dress (or muumuu as we affectionately call my favorite maternity wear). 
• Slow-cooker meal.  Everything for my Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya is chopped up in a gallon Ziploc in the freezer so I can toss it in the Crock Pot when things get started.
• Overnight bag. Yeah, I get to do this one too just in case we transport to the hospital.
• Dog baths. Done yesterday - with a Living Social coupon, hooray! They look and smell so nice.
• Activities/snacks/gifts for Madelyn.  We have discussed things Madelyn can do during labor if she gets bored or needs a break and I've hidden away a couple of surprises she'll enjoy playing with by herself (assuming she' awake). I even wrapped a couple of more special "big sister" gifts to open after he is born. One is a lovely silver bracelet specifically from the baby. 
• Prepare Madelyn. Over the past few months we have looked at books and photographs and discussed how the baby will get here and what labor and birth might look and sound like. Most recently I screened dozens of home birth videos and selected a handful that were appropriate to share with Madelyn. I wanted her to see the facial expressions and hear the noises that sometimes accompany labor. I wanted her to see a baby being born into the water as well as on a bed. I wanted her to see the vagina stretching, the blood and amniotic fluid spilling, and the baby crying.  Because right now is the time to answer questions, reassure her of how normal this all is, and help her feel comfortable and even excited about witnessing the birth of her brother. 
• Gifts for the midwives. I have no idea if it is customary to give a gift like this, I just enjoy doing it. I loved what I chose when Madelyn was born: a pair of warm, fuzzy socks for each midwife to wear in our house. It was December and we have hardwood floors throughout. This time I decided to get those travel beverage cups where you can insert your own photos inside. I created a design using the Vivante Midwifery logo and another image from their website. My intention is that they can use these for their ice water or tea while they are at our house and not lose their own cup.

When Labor Begins:

• Page Vivante, call mothers, text close friends
• Put jambalaya in slow cooker, set rice cooker on timer, and set out dishes
• Shower, shave, brush teeth, change clothes
• Weigh myself (I'm curious about my final weight gain and also how much I'll lose during birth) :)
• Set out snacks, tea, fill my water bottle, etc. 
• Tidy house, kitchen, bathrooms (I won't relax if it's messy)
• Move laundry baskets into bedroom
• Take bedding off of bed
• Care for Madelyn 

Possible Labor Projects (depending on how I feel, time of day, etc.)

• Bake "birthday" cupcakes. This would be fun for Madelyn to help with, fill the house with the aroma of baking, and is certainly appropriate for the occasion. 
•  Make new blanket for Madelyn. My daughter and I have been working on a simple fleece blanket for the baby, as a gift from Big Sister. We also purchased the matching "girl" fleece print because Madelyn loved it and we're hoping to wean her away from the fleece blanket she's clung to since birth (literally--she even laid on this blanket during her Apgar Test).  I like the idea of concentrating on a gift for Madelyn during this time, emphasizing that my love for her is as strong as ever, even though most of the focus this day will be on bringing a new person into our family. 

I suppose many women (and men) would read this and wonder incredulously why anyone would create all this extra fuss when "they" take care of everything in a hospital. Again, that's an entirely different post, which I just realized, you can read in my own words HERE! "Worth it" almost seems like an understatement. I am very happy to be managing my own labor and birth process and all of these logistical preparations support my necessary mental preparations as well. 

The end of running for two

The day before a Clear Blue Easy confirmed what I'd been eagerly awaiting for the previous five months, I ran a 10-kilometer race. It was a Thanksgiving Day "Give-n-Gobble" fundraising run. That means in preparation I had run up to 8-mile training runs while newly pregnant. Over the next few weeks I ran far less, in part because that's normal for me following a race, but mainly because I was very tired and the news of being pregnant made it easier for me to give in to the urge to stay in bed when it was dark and rainy outside. I also did not feel my best--not exactly morning sickness, because I never actually felt nauseous, just a nagging stomachache most days.

By the time I started feeling better and found a way to work some running into daylight hours, it was difficult to get going again. I still have no idea how much of that is attributable to pregnancy and how much a result of the large step back in training.  Most likely it was a combination: pregnancy creating a more significant barrier than usual to bouncing back from inconsistent running.

I continued running about 3 days a week (in addition to Curves and occasional jaunts to the Y) for the next couple of months. In order to stay motivated, I selected a 10k race to run on March 3rd. I always prefer creating a training plan to guide me versus "winging it" each day.  The latter option results in defaulting to the same 3 mile loop at the same easy pace--okay for maintaining fitness but not for progressing.  By mid-February I was actively resisting the increasingly apparent notion that I was not going to be that lady with her 3rd-trimester bump bouncing down the sidewalk.

The hip discomfort was quite minor compared to the havoc being wreaked on my mind.  I was bothered by my slow pace and how difficult running felt. It's as if I could not get enough oxygen or I was tremendously out of shape. Even though I knew I could easily run/walk the 6.2-mile race I'd calendared, a week or so beforehand I decided I didn't want to do that.

I am gradually accepting my body's reality.  Right now I can probably run about a mile and a half before I start requiring walk breaks. Uphill? Forget about it.  Truthfully, the better verb than "running" for what I'm doing is "lumbering."  I'm lumbering on fast-forward.  And it's not because I'm extraordinarily huge. (Side note: since my whiny post last week about feeling fat, I checked my records from the last pregnancy to learn I had already gained 10 more pounds at this point-yikes! I now feel like my bump is just about right, as long as I don't Google Image Search for bellies of the same gestational age because some of those girls don't have any right to even use the word "bump" to label these pics where their stomach is flatter than mine was pre-pregnancy.) The reason I'm lumbering is because the hormone Relaxin is coursing through my body as if it plans to deliver this baby next week. Which means the round ligaments holding my femur inside my pelvis are all loosy-goosy so each step seems to take twice the effort--both for stability and propulsion.

Yeah, I'm a little disappointed not to be a hot pregnant chick in a skort and sports bra who can still bust out a 10k in under an hour. But once again I ask myself, "why?" Who is it that I'm trying to impress or what am I trying to prove?  Other runners I've talked to are impressed I've even kept with it this long. A mother quoted in an article I just read offers this advice to pregnant women: "don't run just because you feel like you have to." I must let go of this self-imposed pressure and listen to my body. A good power walk is just as good of exercise as running and much more practical in my current state.  I am dreading the misery of starting basically from scratch when I'm ready to begin running again this fall.  But a few more weeks or miles now is not going to make that experience any easier.  It is time to go with the flow, accept my limitations, and release this delusion that I am Super Woman.

Be careful what you wish for

Having one and a half pregnancies behind me, I can say that I am one of those lucky women for whom gestation has been relatively pleasant.  For the most part, I actually like being pregnant. I find it absolutely thrilling to have a new, tiny LIFE growing inside of my body. And in everyday situations, a pregnant girl is kind of a novelty which can draw attention, and let's face it--I'm not generally uncomfortable with positive attention.

The problem is that for the first 3-4 months (at least, depending on her physique) no one can tell a gal is pregnant just by looking. Then for another month or two (or, again, often longer) no one would dare comment or ask for fear of the utter humiliation of being wrong.  So for half or more of my pregnancy, I wish I could wear a T-shirt like this:

I've never had washboard abs or anything, but I take pride in maintaining a fairly slender, athletic figure. So I start feeling "chubby" early in pregnancy.  In the first couple of months, the uterus may not yet have grown higher than my pelvis, but it is pushing everything else up and out.  My uterus pushes up my other organs which in turn push my layer of "soft tissue" (read: fat) which usually conceals itself pretty well by lying flush with the rest of my body out over my pants. So that's why long before people compliment that cute baby bump, I (and presumably many newly pregnant women) am struggling to button my jeans and can't stand to look down when seated.

For several months I pine for my flabby belly to round out and look pregnant so the world will know that I am intentionally knocked up instead of carelessly filling out. Of course my ever-rational husband wonders aloud why it matters what anybody else thinks. A valid query, certainly, and one for which I do not have a rational answer without exploring intense psychoanalysis and social commentary. And this is neither the time nor the place for such nonsense.

About three weeks ago I had three ladies ask me on the same day, in different words, if I was pregnant. These were all members of my Curves who know my pre-pregnancy shape, so they felt comfortable with the assumption.  Pleased that familiar people finally felt comfortable enough to ask, I still would not have expected a stranger to be so bold at that point. I don't mean any offense, but the fact is there are many women who carry the soft tissue around their midsection in much the same way that my abdomen was presently protruding.

Then, I swear over the course of about 48 hours, my belly popped out.  One day a couple of weeks ago I  suddenly looked officially pregnant.  I was thrilled at first to not feel so self-conscious and for maternity-type clothing to not look and feel so awkward. But now I'm wondering if it was too soon. Have I gained too much weight for the halfway point? If my belly is already this big, how uncomfortable will I be four months from now? And I am not so naive to think that the fetus is taking up the entire space in there, so I'm feeling a little bit guilty about the excess girth.

I gained about 60 pounds during my first pregnancy. Thankfully I was able to lose all of that weight, but it did take me 10 months and during the first few I felt very uncomfortable.  My intention was to reign in the weight gain this time around--but then I haven't made any concerted effort to do anything differently. And  at times I found myself rationalizing an extra helping or sweet indulgence with my desire to look pregnant! Can you believe that? I would justify eating more because I wanted my belly to show.

Granted, I love food and struggle with willpower any day of the year. When weight gain and major changes in my physique are as inevitable as in pregnancy, making the choice to limit calories or choices becomes even more challenging and I almost rebel against the idea. There is rarely a drawn out internal monologue, the doireallyneedthisbutyumiwanttoeatitandi'mgoingtogetfatanywayandicanlosetheweightlatersowhat'sthedifference thought process occurs instantaneously. 

I'm enamored by the idea of being one of those adorable pregnant chicks who wears her regular jeans through the seventh month and whose belly you might wager was just a volleyball tucked under her shirt. That just is not me. The question is whether that is due to a pre-determined physiological difference or, more likely, the choices that I make. Could I be one of those skinny preggers? Who knows. Maybe. Probably not. And why does it matter? It doesn't.

When my cylindrical reflection in the mirror mocks that area where a waist used to live, I am a little disappointed in myself.  Right now I've got that cute baby bump I longed for earlier, I'm just afraid it will be way too soon when people start quipping that I must be about to pop.  Or that when someone hears my due date her expression will betray to me her surprise that it's so far away.  Or that I will be miserably, uncomfortably large in three months, give birth to a giant baby (with only my body's natural pain relief mechanisms), or be unable to lose this weight afterward.

But I am aware that I am being unfairly critical and hard on myself. The most important thing in my life right now is nurturing the tiny future person growing inside.  It does no good to concern myself with such vanity. I share these personal feelings with you in case you can relate and wish to share insight or encouragement.

Bun in the Oven

Gary and I found out the day after Thanksgiving that we are finally expecting our second child. Of course we are thrilled and had fun sharing the news with family and friends over the Holidays. 

We wanted Madelyn to be the first to know.  Assuming she wouldn't keep the secret, we told her the night before her 5th birthday, when we planned to share the news with the rest of the family. 

Gary read Madelyn a special book I made for her. It's a story about how much everybody loves her with a surprise ending which says, "because Madelyn is so very special...everyone knows...that the new baby will love her too." You can read the book here; it is pretty cute. 

It took Madelyn a minute and some additional explanation to understand. Her reaction is hilarious--make sure you hear her final comment at :35.

"I'm pretty nervous about a little leg poking out your...bagina." 

Madelyn asked each of her grandparents to read this book to her when they arrived before her birthday party. I wore this "bun in the oven" shirt I had made at the party to surprise the rest of our family and friends. 

And then our Christmas Card/Announcement spread the message far and wide. 

It's a happy 2012 so far in our new home with a baby on the way.

Flashback Friday: Madelyn's Birth Day

My daughter entered this world in our home on December 14, 2006, 46 minutes before her official "due date."  In the days that followed, I recorded a journal of her birth based on my personal recollection combined with notes my mother made. These notes were important for piecing together the timing and sequence of events, as a woman's mind lost in natural labor doesn't pay attention to such details.

I want to share this story as part of my series of "family history" flashbacks. It is very personal and real. If you're squeamish about childbirth or pain, you may wish to skip this one.  Until today, I'm fairly certain I had not read these words since shortly after they were written. The emotions they stirred in me are powerful and beautiful. I am not only grateful for this most incredible experience in my life, but for the fact that I had the sense to record it in such detail so that I may never forget.  And thus, it serves as the perfect Thanksgiving-weekend tribute.

MADELYN’S BIRTH DAY

On Thursday, December 14, 2006 I woke up at 6:40am feeling what I thought might be a contraction.  It was fairly uncomfortable, but I wondered if I just needed to go to the bathroom.  Having never experienced labor contractions, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  The same pain returned every 20 minutes, so I was pretty sure they were contractions.  After two hours I got out of bed, and the contractions did not return.  I was a little disappointed because it meant I was not in labor after all.

I did a few things on the computer, read a few chapters in “On Becoming Babywise,” and then played some “Dance Dance Revolution” on Playstation, hoping to stimulate labor to begin.  I talked to my mom on the phone, and she informed me that there was a pretty major storm coming in tonight, so she was going to be staying with Diana and Randy next door since Dad was out of town and she didn’t want to be home alone if the power went out.  She planned to work out at Curves and then watch Diana’s boys so she could also work out.  I called Diana and offered to watch her kids so she and Mom could work out together, but she said Randy would actually be home.  But she asked if I would come over and play with Kaden while she ran to the post office.  So I went over there around 4:00pm, and just before Diana got back from her errand, those pains returned.  While talking to Diana before I walked home, I tried to brush them off, thinking it probably wasn’t the real thing. 

Back at home, I had two or three contractions in a row, several minutes apart, but for some reason I still wasn’t sure they were really contractions.  It sort of felt like a gas bubble passing through.  Gary thought I should call the midwives, just to let them know something was happening, especially since there was a storm on the way.  I thought it was too early to call them, but I did it anyway.  After my first call, the contractions kept coming regularly.  They were already getting quite painful.  After a few calls back and forth with Wendy and Linda, they decided it was time to come out.  Linda was quite concerned about the storm, fearing a downed tree would block our route to the hospital.  To reassure her, Gary drove from our house all the way out to the freeway, reporting plenty of traffic, all the power on, and not so much as twigs on the roads.  He wasn’t worried anyway because we know so many ways to get where we’d need to go.  But I’m glad he made the effort to put Linda’s mind at ease.  Our midwives Wendy and Bonnie headed out from East Portland into rush hour, stormy weather traffic toward our home.

I called my mom to tell her that I was in labor, and things were getting difficult, so I hoped she would come right over instead of going to Curves first.  She was only a few minutes away from home, where the power had just gone out.  She told me she was so glad that she was already planning on staying at the Fairhursts’ tonight, because she had spent the morning getting ready to go and packing, which would have been far more difficult to do now that there was no power.

Gary and I changed the sheets on the bed, put away the comforter and laid out my handmade birth blanket.  We had all our birth supplies set up on tables in our room, ready to go.  I felt as prepared as I could have been for this moment.  And I was so excited thinking that it would not be very long before we’d finally meet our beautiful baby!  We joked a little bit that Madelyn is already showing she’s a drama queen, choosing to be born on the night of the big winter storm. J  In early labor I mostly laid on my bed or leaned over it, just trying to get through the contractions.  I was concerned because if it was already this painful, I wasn’t sure how I’d make it through the really difficult parts! 

It took a while for my mom to get here because a road was closed due to flooding.  I was glad when she arrived, because Gary had left to check the roads to the freeway.  I was so pleased that my mother could be with me for this, even though the idea of giving birth at home was a little scary and strange for her.  Her support by my side meant a lot to me.  I asked her to take pictures, and shared that I would like candid, story-telling shots, not smile-for-the-camera shots.  My mother did an excellent job and we have some beautiful photographs to remember this special night.

I had started recording the times of my contractions early on so that I would have a record to show the midwives when they arrived.  After a while, it was pretty obvious this was true labor, but my mom helped me continue to record the times anyway.  My contractions remained about 5 minutes apart for most of labor.  Other than that, I had no sense of time.  Labor is a powerful drug that takes you to the place you need to be to get through it.  And that place is in the body, not the mind.  Our power went out a little while after my mom got here.  We got out all the flashlights and battery-lanterns.  It was actually kind of neat to labor quietly in the dark, hearing the winds whistling through the trees outside. 

Diana and Randy stopped in to see how I was doing, which was really nice of them.  I was glad they came over, but because my contractions were pretty painful, it was difficult to enjoy their company.  I was glad to be able to talk to my dad on the phone a few times.  He was a little disappointed that Madelyn didn’t wait for him to come home from his Utah trip to be born, but he was so sweet and supportive on the phone.  It would have been nice if my dad could have been here for her birth, but I have to admit I did not want to wait!

Loki and Kezia were so relaxed; they actually slept through most of labor.  Their presence was very calming and comforting to me.  I don’t know if they had any idea what was happening, but it brought me peace to have them nearby and be able to snuggle with them when I wanted to.

Eventually Wendy and Bonnie, our midwives, made it here through the terrible traffic.  Gary gave them the cozy socks with rubber traction that I had gotten for them for our slick, cold hardwood floors.  After checking on me and giving some sweet words of encouragement, they went to work setting up supplies and organizing.  They listened to Madelyn’s heartbeat during a few contractions, checked my blood pressure and that sort of thing, but were very quiet and slow, mostly observing.

I thought it would feel nice to get in the hot tub, but Gary was pretty worried about debris in the storm hitting me outside.  At one point the winds calmed down and so he helped me get in and stood outside in the cold with me.  After only a few contractions in the hot tub, the winds picked back up, and Gary thought we would be safer inside.  Coming in from the hot tub I was very chilled, but I got dry and wrapped in a cozy robe. 

I would get very hot during contractions, and then in between them I would shiver at the cold.  I kept taking the robe or blankets on and off because my temperature was fluctuating so much.  I remember having no thoughts whatsoever about modesty, my mind and body were just completely focused on the work of labor.  I felt very primal, and tried my best to listen to my body and work with the labor, not against it.  I didn’t have any specific pain-coping techniques that I felt worked well.  I just tried to remind myself during each contraction that it would end soon.  I also focused on my breathing, and tried to relax.  That was the hardest part; I noticed myself tensing my body during contractions.  Another thing that worked for me was allowing my body to make the noises that felt natural.  I needed to moan through the pain.  My mom, Wendy and Bonnie all helped soothe me and tried to help me relax.  Gary was a great labor partner.  He remained quiet and calm, brought me water and juice, did anything I asked of him, and told me I was doing great.  One of the most helpful things was when he put pressure on my lower back during contractions.  That felt really good.

Everyone was quiet and calm, and the darkness was almost romantic.  Gary asked if I’d like to take a walk around the house, so we did.  It was a tender moment for just the two of us to be together.  I went into Madelyn’s nursery and sat in the rocking chair.  That actually seemed to help during contractions, so I stayed.  Then three contractions happened right in a row, without the usual break between.  We went back to our bedroom, but Gary brought the rocking chair in there because I liked sitting in it. 

I told everyone about the three strong contractions in a row, and my mom wondered why the midwives hadn’t checked yet to see how far I was dilated.  Bonnie said that they will check me whenever I want them to.  I was nervous to have them check, because after all the pain and hard work I’d been through, I didn’t want to be disappointed at a lack of progress and get my mind thinking in terms of “labor math.”  But then while I was standing over the bed, I had a really intense contraction.  It made me want to cry it hurt so bad, and Bonnie held me and let me cry on her shoulder.  I believe it was at that time or maybe the next one that my water broke, and the pain was so intense that I could hardly speak, so I remember trying to mutter, ‘It broke. My water just broke,” since I’m not sure anyone could see that in the dark.  Someone quickly cleaned up the puddle on the floor.  I also had a little urge to bear down!  That’s when I decided I wanted to see how far I was dilated, because I was confident that I had to be getting close.  I was so surprised to be feeling the urge to push.  I actually had no idea how much time had passed, but it felt so soon to be getting near the end! 

I laid down on the bed while Bonnie checked my dilation, and she said I was at about 8 centimeters!  I was so glad, but that meant that I needed to hold off on pushing until I was a little further dilated.  So I laid down on my side to counteract gravity’s effect on my urge to push.  I breathed quick, shallow breaths to keep from pushing, which was difficult.  The lights came on during this time.  Gary placed a cool washcloth on my head, which felt wonderful.  Soon Bonnie checked me again and said that my cervix was ready and it was okay to push now!  It felt natural to just roll up onto my hands and knees for pushing.  Then in between I could rest my head down. 

Pushing felt so wonderful.  I mean it really hurt, but there was something so relieving about it.  I could actually feel her little head moving through the birth canal, and I don’t recall that part hurting very much.  I was able to control my breathing and push slowly and deliberately.  Gary got to see her first wisps of dark hair inside me and watch the birth.  Wendy stayed by my head to give me support, and once again the power went out.

When Madelyn’s head was crowning it was very exciting, I couldn’t believe I was nearly done and she was almost in my arms!  I kept thinking of that reward and so was able to stay focused on getting through this last, difficult part.  The stretching of the vaginal opening burned quite a bit.  Bonnie applied counter pressure to the perineum, and I tried not to push too fast so I wouldn’t tear as much.  Gary told me when her head was coming out, and he sounded so excited. 

After a little rest, I pushed the rest of our baby out with the next contraction.  Bonnie handed her between my legs into my arms, and I was able to sit back and hold the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  I am crying now as I write this, because the memory is so vivid and wonderful.  I clutched my baby girl to my chest and looked at every little part of her.  I couldn’t believe this perfect little being came out of me.  At the time, I didn’t cry because I think I was still under the power of Laborland.  I was so elated to have my daughter in my arms, and so relieved that labor was over and I did it!

Someone pointed out that the lights were back on, and we realized that the power must have returned near the exact moment that Madelyn’s head emerged.  I attribute that to the arrival of her electrifying spirit.  J 

We toweled Madelyn clean, and after the cord stopped pulsing, Daddy Gary got to cut it.  Then I got to nurse our baby for the first time, with Gary by my side.  That stimulated contractions to push the placenta out.  Wendy showed us how it worked inside me to nourish our precious baby.  The next day Gary planted it under Madelyn’s own Golden Delicious Apple tree in our backyard, so it will continue to nourish the tree and us by its fruit.

Wendy and Bonnie helped get everything cleaned up, and finished the necessary procedures to take care of the new baby and new mommy.  When they were sure everyone was healthy and happy, they left.  At 4:00am, Gary and I, exhausted and blissful new parents, went to sleep in our own bed, with baby Madelyn Bryce Winter finally in our arms.

(Click to enlarge)

Editorial: It's hard to say when labor officially began, but if we assume it was around 4:30 or 5pm when I returned from Diana's house, and Madelyn was born at 11:14pm, then my labor was only 6-7 hours. I recall that I was pushing for only about 20 minutes. There are SO many factors at play in every birth scenario, but I feel strongly that my mental preparation and choice of surroundings was an integral piece in the puzzle of my successful birth experience. Thank you Vivante Midwifery for facilitating this joyous occasion for our family. 

Birth blanket

This is kind of a continuing of yesterday's Flashback Friday. I had read about the idea of a birthing blanket in a book, and decided to make one. The blanket is designed to be waterproof messproof in order to protect the bed or floor, while providing a soft place to labor. I also tend to agree with the sentiment that a "birth project" of any kind can aid a mother-to-be's preparation for the big day.

Common sense indicated that I would be throwing this blanket away after its purpose had been fulfilled.  So I knew it didn't need to be pretty. I found two flat sheets at Goodwill, but bought a new shower curtain because really--is there a used shower curtain in existence that isn't covered in mildew and soap scum? I'm no seamstress, but I've done a number of sewing projects, including a pieced quilt duvet cover and my "senior quilt" made as part of my church young women's program. A birth blanket is uncomplicated, like a senior quilt: the shower curtain is layered with the batting between the two sheets to create a watertight barrier. 

So I set about making the blanket in much the same way I remember making my senior quilt. For added liquid-catching ability, I rolled up the sides before clumsily stitching them shut. This blanket was for function, not beauty, remember? Then in order to secure the batting in place, I proceeded to tie the quilt with yarn, as I recalled having done so many times in young women. The needle goes through the blanket, tie a knot, then repeat over and over again all over the quilt, and cut the yarn between the knots to make the little ties that add flair to your finished blanket. Ta-da! 

With my blanket complete and a table in my bedroom covered with supplies like sterile gloves, disposable blue underpads, garbage bags, and flashlights, I was ready to have this baby. 

And I did. Which you'll be able to read about next Friday. 

But you may have already figured out the inherent flaw in my birthing blanket's design. Because YOU are clearly a much more intelligent human being than I, whose mind the error never crossed until it was too late. All those HOLES I poked in the blanket with a quilting needle resulted in a failure of its waterproofing capabilities. So directly under the place where Madelyn was born, we have a lovely dark red stain on our memory foam mattress' pillowtop. I'm sure my brother who owns a carpet/upholstery cleaning business loved trying to clean that up. Ha ha, Bryan. That's what you get for putting nooses on my stuffed animals and flying them around on the ceiling fan.

Flashback Friday: From OB to Midwife

Now that you know how I feel about planned home birth, let me tell you a little bit about our decision process and some of the steps we took to prepare for the adventure.

Gary and I shared an intuitive leaning toward natural birth practices before we conceived a child and started researching. When I found out I was pregnant, I automatically called my uncle, who is also my OB/GYN.  At our first visit, I broached the subject of home birth. At that time I was completely unaware of the divisive crevasse between hospital vs. home birth mentalities; obstetrics vs. midwifery. I naively thought that all birth professionals worked together toward the end of happy mothers with healthy babies exercising their right to experience birth in the way that is most comfortable to them. I've since discovered a great deal about the intriguing history and modern implementation of birth practices around the world.

My Uncle promptly discouraged me from the idea, with tact and professionalism. The gist of his main line of reasoning was that as a first-time mother, I would have no idea what to expect and should experience childbirth the "usual" way before trying something outside the box. Also (this will reveal the extent of my naïveté) I learned that he could not attend to a birth at home. Being the obvious rookie in the room, I accepted his advice and made my next appointment.

A couple of months later I was reading Birthing from Within by Pam England on an airplane headed for Waco, Texas.  Above the clouds, I read the chapter the author almost chose not to include about home birth (because she did not want her book to be viewed as advocating for home birth specifically).  The words and the ideas resonated in my so deeply that I knew. While waiting for my baggage to cycle past, I called Gary and told him that I had decided that I wanted to give birth at home after all. He wanted to know why I had decided and if I was really sure, then we agreed that we would talk about it more when I returned home.

The two big steps which came next were finding a midwife and notifying my doctor.

1) Finding a midwife. This wasn't too difficult, because Google and a few other resources only produced a small handful of midwifery practices that attend home births. Of these, only two of them had Certified Nurse Midwives in the group, and our research lead us to feel most confident having a CNM because of their higher education and more extensive experience. We interviewed these two sets of midwives, and immediately felt a more pleasant connection with Wendy from Vivante. Our conviction compelled us to choose her even over the group that offered in-home prenatal care! (Of course, I've always wondered if perhaps they weren't as welcoming to us because they weren't keen on the idea of driving 45 minutes from their office for my check-ups.)

2) Notifying my doctor. This one was more difficult because I love and respect my uncle so much. The more I expanded my knowledge of the birth culture divide, the more I realized how difficult the announcement would be. I decided that the best way to speak to my uncle was in his own language. So I gathered links to several recent studies regarding the safety and outcomes of planned home births published in esteemed medical journals.  I believe that I confirmed my decision to Uncle over the phone, then emailed him links to the studies, additional resources, and my own testimony of my own reasoning.  I was surprised and elated when he phoned me (this man is very busy and we don't really have a talk-on-the-phone kind of relationship) to thank me for sharing the information. He said that it opened his mind to understand the practice of home birth and made him more accepting of my decision. I know he does not now regard home birth as a better or even equal alternative, but at least he gave me his blessing and assured me that he would be praying for a successful outcome.

With those barriers out of the way, we spent the next several months having the (mostly) usual prenatal care, acquiring the usual newborn supplies, and gathering some not-so-usual provisions in preparation for D-day (Delivery, not Doom).  The midwives provided an entire folder of resource materials, inside of which is the official "Homebirth Handbook." It contains a list of supplies to have assembled in advance, many of which we were able to order online in a kit. We took a childbirth preparation class modeled after the Birthing from Within book that was integral in my decision to choose to give birth at home. And I created a birth project during the final month or so of my pregnancy, the defects of which left us with some unusual consequences.

To be continued tomorrow...

Flashback Friday: Home birth letter

As Gary and I prepared for the arrival of our daughter in the latter part of 2006, our decision to plan a home birth was met with some resistance.  I wrote the following letter to ask my family members for support and understanding. More than anything, I am sure the process was valuable for me to organize and fortify my beliefs about our decision. I know it is kind of long, but you birth-story junkies out there may find it interesting.

Dear Family,

As I’m sure you recall preparing joyfully for the arrival of each of your children, this is a very important and exciting time in our lives.  You have probably heard by now that Gary and I have chosen to plan to give birth in our home.  In our culture today, the home birth option is not widely esteemed or even understood.  We believe that our labor experience and the outcome of our baby’s birth depend on being surrounded by a positive support structure.  That is why I am writing a letter to our loved ones.  I want to shed some light on the reasons we have chosen to plan for a home birth, share some information regarding the safety and normality of an attended birth at home, and ask for your help in creating the positive environment that we feel is important to our birth process.

First I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with giving birth in the hospital, and we do not have any disrespect for or animosity toward families who feel more comfortable with that option.  We hope that we would receive the same respect for our choice, which is a very personal one.

I hope to clarify when people inquire, “You’re going to give birth at home?” that the answer is “Maybe.”  Deciding to plan to birth at home is just that, a plan, or a desire to give birth at home.  But the goal is not a home birth at any cost.  Midwives are thoroughly trained and experienced in monitoring for indications that a transfer to the hospital would be best for mother and/or baby, usually long before an emergency would occur.  Planning for home birth includes being open to all possibilities, including one in which the baby is born in the hospital, even by cesarean birth if necessary.  The ultimate goal is a healthy mom and newborn, and if the benefits we associate with a home birth can be enjoyed in reaching that goal, then that is the plan.

The Philosophical Assumptions of Home Birth Parents and Attendants

• Because pregnancy and birth are natural physiological events, normal birth does not belong in hospitals (and wasn’t placed there until the last century, and still isn’t in many cultures).
• The natural course of labor is already perfect, and should be interfered with as little as possible.
• Pain is part of an essential and healthy feedback mechanism in labor, which women can learn to cope with, with proper encouragement and support.
• Medical management of pregnancy and birth should be limited to those which are medically complicated.
• Unnecessary medical interventions complicate normal labor, creating additional risk and the need for more intervention.

Adapted from Birthing from Within by England/Horowitz

In addition to these underlying assumptions about birth, here are a few of the advantages we feel are gained by laboring and giving birth at home:

• A quiet, peaceful environment which we can control to a certain extent
• A sense of comfort in our familiar surroundings means being “at home” psychologically, to  encourage relaxation and release
• The innate, miraculous process of giving birth is allowed to unfold on its own
• There is no schedule or rush to force labor to progress
• Constant availability of our personal birth attendant, no shift changes or sharing of nurses
• No pressure to accept unwanted pain medication or drugs (which might be easy to give in to in the middle of labor!)
• If a problem should arise that requires medical support, we will not wonder if it was caused by routine, unnecessary, or ill-timed hospital interventions
• The midwives philosophy is not centered around such interventions, so if she advocates them, it will be easy to trust her endorsement
• Ready availability of family and friends during labor and birth, if desired
• Access to our hot tub, our own food, a walk around the neighborhood for fresh air, and other comforts available at home
• The freedom to labor and birth in the locations and positions that I choose, and confidence to do whatever my body tells me is necessary at the time
• Studies indicate a tendency toward shorter labor at home
• The joy and empowerment of bringing our baby into the world naturally, and in her own home
• Immediate, close contact with our newborn baby girl

Home birth is not the option for every family, and we completely understand that.  In addition to the important aspect of personal preference, it is also essential that a couple seeking a home birth meet certain general criteria in order to be considered.  It is a long list, but examples include having good physical and mental health, adequate social supports and a positive emotional environment, a pregnancy with no complications, and the baby positioned properly for vaginal birth.  Couples choosing this option also must be willing to take an active role in giving birth, cope with the pain and hard work of labor without drugs, and take responsibility for the outcome of their choices.

In many cases, midwives may be trained more thoroughly in “normal” birth than obstetricians, whose education focuses considerably on managing complications and emergencies.  We feel comfortable with the benefit of having access to the best of both worlds: safe home birth with modern midwives trained to identify and manage minor problems, and the availability of appropriate hospital technology if necessary.  As mentioned before, our ultimate goal, as well as that of our birth attendants, is a safe birth, not a home birth no matter what. 

It may come as a relief to learn that transfers to a hospital rarely involve a labor emergency.  Most of the time problems in labor develop slowly, with early signals alerting the midwives of their approach.  Usually transfers to the hospital are made for non-emergency reasons, such as a prolonged, exhausting labor, or failure to progress in dilation.  Another little-known fact is that home birth attendants are skilled in handling most common birth “crises,” and carry much of the same equipment to handle them at home as what is available in the hospital.  For example, the midwives carry sterile instruments for birth and suturing any tears, basic resuscitation equipment for mother and baby, ultrasound stethoscope for fetal monitoring, drugs for postpartum maternal hemorrhage or bleeding, IV equipment, oxygen, antibiotics to treat infection, and more.  Midwives are not only trained in medical procedures, but also in ways to comfort and assist the laboring mother, such as natural pain coping techniques, methods to encourage progression of labor naturally, and in practices to help avoid tearing.

Many studies have been conducted to compare the safety of birth at home vs. in the hospital for comparable low-risk pregnancies.  One recent study involving over 5400 planned home births, published in the British Medical Journal in 2005, concludes the following: “Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.”  One of our midwives has been attending births at home and in the hospital for over 30 years and has never lost a baby or mother at home. 

In summary, our birth attendants are trained to recognize any warning signs of problems early on, and then take appropriate action to deal with those problems.  If an emergency does arise, they have the knowledge and skills to institute basic emergency care to either resolve the problem, or stabilize the mother and/or baby until we reach the hospital.

As very important people in our life, I am asking for you to help our family in three specific ways:

1. Please try to understand a little bit about home birth and open your mind to it as a normal, viable birth choice.  Showing an interest lets us know that you care.  If you have questions or concerns, let’s discuss them together!
2. Please recognize that planning to give birth at home should not imply that we don’t understand and appreciate reasons to choose to give birth in a different setting.  We do not feel that a home birth is better or worse than a hospital birth.  It depends on so many individual factors, and in the end is a very personal choice.  Our baby may be born in a hospital as well, and we find nothing wrong with that. 
3. Please try to maintain a positive attitude toward our decision, both when we are and are not around.  If you are involved in or overhear conversations we are having about the impending birth of our baby and the circumstances surrounding it, you can show support by getting involved in the conversation in a positive way.  Even subtle negativity or apathy may not only hurt my feelings, but also may have an effect on my mental state in preparing for labor and birth.  Also, I hope that your support will be genuine, because insincerity can be just as hurtful. 

These requests may seem silly, but I feel that having the support of our loved ones throughout the upcoming weeks is essential.  For many of our own personal reasons, we are electing to plan to give birth at home.  Whether you would choose this path for yourself or not, we hope that you will be able to support us in our choice, as we believe we will always do for you.  We believe that it will take concentration and positive mental energy to accomplish this miracle of childbirth in the empowering manner we are planning.  It is important to me that I am surrounded by the same attitudes as I approach this life-changing event.  I believe that it could be detrimental to our birth experience and outcome if I am self-conscious about our decision, feel unsupported, or harbor fear that if things do not turn out as we hope that I will have to face “I told you so” from those to whom I would wish to go for support and sympathy.  I hope you will understand that I am requesting your help because you are among the most important people in our lives, and soon in Madelyn’s life.  A foundation of understanding, love and encouragement is what we need most right now.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.

All our love,