Friday, November 20, 2009

Flashback Friday: Devilish bride-to-be

Beginning with the previous installment, I've begun a sort of "personal history" series of Flashback Fridays.  After the surprise Las Vegas proposal, naturally the next chapter in this series is my bachelorette party. 

I think that my own is the only "real" bachelorette party that I've ever been privileged to attend. In my early twenties, many of my friends wouldn't exactly be drawn to such risque night-time activities, and those who would be weren't getting married at the time.

My friends Lana and Melinda planned quite the wild party to celebrate my upcoming nuptials (or mourn the end of my life as a swinging single, perhaps).  I was kept in the dark about all the details in advance; the only thing I knew was that we were all to wear red dresses.

Crazy Bachelorette Party in Seven Easy Steps:

Step 1: Identify.  I arrived at Lana's house to discover that--of course--the bride is the only one in red, everyone else is dressed in black. Sweet.  

Step 2: Accessorize. Everyone applied bachelorette-themed temp tattoos and shimmering body lotion. The bride was donned with a shiny bachelorette sash and "horny" bridal veil which perfectly matched the solitary red dress.

Step 3: Bestow.  What would a bachelorette party be without wacky, sexy gifts such as Sizzling Body Candy and glow-in-the-dark bedroom toys? 

There were also "Dick Tax" mints, X-rated fortune cookies, and many more hilarious items including this penis shot glass (which has since been passed along to another now-married friend). 

Step 4: Ride. All the girls piled into a stretch limo with a bottle of champagne and headed downtown. Our chauffer was very nice, if perhaps a little too excited about our general frivolity. Bordering on creepy.

Step 5: Scavenge. I received instructions to complete all the items on the following list in order to win "the hottest bachelorette party ever!" 

Yes, I completed them all.  No, I did not enter the men's restroom--I had the bouncer at Slaughter's help me out with that one. Yes, I saw some things on overhead televisions at that gay bar that I'd just as soon have not. No, I do not remember the erotic story and wouldn't retell it here anyway. Yes, Rico is an exotic dancer, and I totally snapped his thong.

Step 6: Wonder. Darcelle XV: World famous female impersonators.  It's something you must experience to fully appreciate. And in actuality, there isn't any wondering to do. It's not a subtle transformation for "ladies" like Darcelle, pictured here in all her rotund glory.

Step 7: Get crazy.  At Darcelle's, the evening starts with innocuous transgendered fun, then it gets a little racier as the evening progresses.  I'll leave it at that. 



All of the bachelorettes received a cassette tape (this was only 4.5 years ago, so what the--?) of our pre-show interviews with Darcelle outside the theatre.  I do not know that girl that I'm half-hugging. Just a fellow bride-to-be having a crazy time out with girlfriends.

Did you have a bachelorette party? What was it like?

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