My baby gets Glamour Shots by Deb

Deb would be (stoically) proud!

Better movies than books?

Marvelous works of literary fiction are frequently adapted for the Big Screen. Especially in the recent decade or so, it seems that books-turned-movies are all the rage--Hollywood has opened the floodgates to endless new stories and to a certain extent, a new audience by latching onto the bestsellers, even multiplying their fortune by the number of volumes in a popular series. 

If you view one of these movies without having read the book by the same title, there is little room for disappointment. For example, my gleeful enjoyment of the first Twilight movie (which I saw in the theatre for free) inspired me to finally read the series. Also, I've never cracked a Harry Potter book, and thus harbor no disenchantment with the filmmaker's choices. But when you have read the book upon which a movie is based, and especially if you loved said book, it is common to feel, as the credits roll, some combination of dissatisfaction, aggravation, and grief at the disturbance to the movie your imagination alone created while reading.

How often, then, do you finish a book and think it would work better as a movie? I would say it is a rare notion in the afterglow of a fine story.  The last book I finished left me feeling this way, however, and as I wondered if that was a strange estimation, two other books came to mind that had given me a similar impression. So either I just like movies better than books, or perhaps the sentiment isn't so strange after all.

There are a few reasons that I think The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield would work better as a movie. First of all, for all the author's adjective-laden paragraphs describing her settings, I still had a hard time envisioning the scenes and spatial relations as the characters interacted. Sometimes that isn't a big deal, but this story was somewhat dependent on each character's point of view within the setting. And I do think that the images and tone Ms. Setterfield worked so laboriously to describe could be captured instantaneously with the camera. Also, flashback narratives tend to annoy me because there is no way a person could remember all that quoted dialogue to flesh out the story.  But I believe those flashback scenes could be handled very effectively with creative cinematography, and then when the twist all comes to light at the end, a series of clips of the same scenes from a different perspective would make the emergence of understanding so satisfying. As it is written, I really had to search back for how the revelation of truth could have possibly worked in the story.  It would take a second read to identify with any certainty where I believe there may be holes in the possibility, beyond my general disbelief that (spoiler alert, highlight to read) half-sisters could look enough alike to be mistaken for the same person. Maybe a movie could make some sense of that. 

There was SOOOOO much hype about this book, and if you've read it, then you might be wondering why I would possibly want to see some of the grotesque imagery it contains portrayed on film. I realize that this title has already been released in theatres, and I have not decided whether or not I will watch it. But bear with me while I explain why I prefer the idea of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson as a movie.  My overall impression of this novel is that all of the action was condensed into the third quarter. Sometimes it takes a chapter or two to get into a story, but I was nearly halfway through this book before I began to feel engaged. And the denouement also fell flat after the exciting climax was wrapped up with nearly 100 pages yet to go. So much boring political background and family tree illuminating could be handled far more efficiently on film, and the ending could be condensed, leaving the satisfying thrill nearer the actual end of the story. Plus, I wouldn't have to stumble over pronunciation of a litany of Swedish names with all their excessive consonants. 

I picked up this hardback at a garage sale last summer because the jacket description sounded so intriguing (excerpt): The story of Susie Salmon, who is adjusting to her new home in heaven, a place that is not at all what she expected, even as she is watching life on earth continue without her. There is a great deal I expected from such a unique concept that unfortunately I didn't get from The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. It's been over a year since I read it, but I do clearly remember having the distinct thought that this book would have made a better movie. And at the time I had no idea that one was about to be released! It hasn't been on my mind until musing about this post in recent days, so I moved it near the top of my Netflix queue so I can finally see whether or not I am right.  While I don't relish viewing the events which lead to the vile end of Susie Salmon's life on earth, I hope they will be handled with taste enough to capture the wretched tragedy without being vulgar.  Because the book was really a character drama, delving into the fundamental changes in people after losing a daughter, sister, friend (and also those who are not changed by it), I hope to experience in the movie a more seamless flow of the story as a whole.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

If you have read any of these books and/or seen their Hollywood adaptations, please share your thoughts! Feel free to disagree...

Mini-Movie Reviews: Three sci-fi/thrillers

I think we can all agree that M. Night Shyamalan hasn't been able to top The Sixth Sense. My next favorite would have to be The Village, since it actually had a real twist and I didn't see it coming. His other movies lack that touch because the mysterious occurrences were in reality exactly as presented. Case in point: Signs? Oh, it really was aliens, just like everyone thought. Anyway, The Happening was just alright. Overly dramatic as one would expect from the genre, and admittedly gory too, since the premise involves people being exposed to something which makes them commit suicide by whatever means are immediately available. But I found the explanation for such macabre events nothing but laughable (spoiler alert--highlight to read): The PLANTS got angry at humans for mistreating them and released chemicals to defend themselves. Seriously. A lame statement against our horrendous contamination of the planet. 

Nicolas Cage's character dubiously deciphers a number code found inside a time capsule unearthed at his son's school which contains accurate predictions of tragedies which have already occurred, and oh my goodness, one that is on the horizon! I have a hard time losing myself in films like this where the connections between point A and point B don't flow naturally. For example, the cup ring left on the paper prompts Cage to solve a complex code through a subqequent series of guesses, some of which are just too far-fetched. And the ending was just too strange for me (highlight for the spoiler): He sends his "chosen" son off on a spaceship to live with aliens while he stays behind to die, their parting comments beaming with religious undertones. There was a lot going on in Knowing, and too many contrivances to make it really work. 

I have to admit I got a little bored during Push. And there is always that matter of the paradox of time, impossible to be consistent with the effects of a person being able to see the future and how they change that future. But it was still worth a viewing, just for the fun of it. It was the best out of these three selections at very least, and I do know a lot of people who liked this movie a lot. 

Mini Movie Reviews: Four dramas

I've watched at least 17 movies from Netflix since the last time I posted reviews. Here's a group of dramatic films that I enjoyed in the spring.

I actually had no idea this was based on a novel. I enjoyed the moving story of the conflicted father a great deal. 

I did know this one was based on a book. It was also very tender, with an expectedly slow pace.

Okay, I didn't know this one was based on a story, either. A short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald it turns out. The overarching concept of the story (a man aging in reverse) was certainly unique.  The rest of the plot was not quite as interesting, but the special effects behind Brad Pitt's physical transformation deserve recognition. If you're curious (ha ha) you can check out this little video about the CGI. 

Here is a movie--like so many others--that I watched somewhat begrudgingly, properly convinced that it wasn't going to be my cup of tea, only to be thoroughly captivated instead. This happens regularly, so I wonder why I don't have a better grasp of my theatrical preferences. This film does have some graphic scenes, but oh the story is so touching. I do love a movie that keeps you thinking about it long afterward. And I don't believe this one was based on a book...

Mini Movie Reviews: Hot firefighter, Strange puff ball

Much like that book I read last year, I had no idea going in that the central theme of Fireproof was built on a religious message.  I'd overheard a lot of positive buzz about the film, and hadn't considered that those buzzing were probably so enamored with the idea of an "inspirational" movie being on the big screen that they could easily forgive the cheesy dialogue and poor acting from every single actor besides Kirk Cameron, who really held the entire piece together. The "love dare" concept is interesting in itself, however, and I find I'm able to interpret a story like this in a way that is relevant to my frame of reference. 

Surprisingly very funny. We actually laughed out loud a few times, especially pretty much every instance in which Katie appears:

Delightfully odd, if a little creepy.

Mini Movie Reviews take center stage

Providing insight and quick quips about the movies I watch is one of my favorite aspects of this blog.  But it's really tedious to maintain them on the sidebar, especially because I eventually copy each one to an archived post.   In addition, I realized that all that work and occasional cleverness goes unnoticed by anyone who views Beyond Mommy through Google Reader.  I figure that placing my Mini Movie Reviews front and center creates a default opportunity for a real post, allows me to write a tiny bit more when two or three sentences just aren't enough, and may even incite discussion about the films from readers, which is much more fun than just putting my own opinion out there unchallenged.

I'll divide the 13 movie reviews I have to write into multiple posts as time permits. By the way, each image is linked to the movie's profile on IMDb. Please share your comments!

I found the protagonist old man distractingly unattractive. The concept of the flying house obviously requires willing suspension of disbelief, but even within the realm of the fantasy, glaring inconsistencies were hard to ignore. However, the execution of the canine language translator concept was hilarious, and the wordless montage depicting the lifelong romance between the man and his late wife was possibly the sweetest of its kind.

Knowing that this tragic tale actually occurred makes it that much more fascinating.  The gripping story was rounded out by Angelina Jolie's perfectly understated performance (and I'm not usually too keen on her).

Awww, this was a nice little romantic comedy. No complaints really, but nothing to rave about either. 

Oh boy. We almost turned it off more than once. But sometimes you just need to see a conflict resolved, no matter how my beloved Napoleon Dynamite's acting skills suffer outside his legendary breakout role.

We actually DID turn this movie off, as no conflict ever emerged which was worth seeing through to resolution. Perhaps if I don't finish a movie I'm not entitled to write a review, but I figure that maybe I can caution others from wasting that half hour of their lives that I'll never get back. The rather pathetic central character grows so livid about car alarms going off in New York City that he starts bashing in windows and leaving a card identifying him as "The Rectifier." I bet New York has problems that need rectifying far more than errant car alarms. I'm disappointed in you, Tim Robbins. Very disappointed indeed. Even the tagline on that poster is dismal: "The story of a guy who had it up to HEAR." Really? Ugh. 

This one will probably make my "best of" list for this year. Tender, funny, clever, and hooo boy can that Irish accent melt my heart. 

I welcome recommendations for good movies to add to my Netflix queue--and ones to steer clear of too!

Six favorite movies of 2009

Just like on last year's list, some of these movies were not released in 2009, but I mostly watch movies through Netflix, so I get them when I get them. It's like Christmas in the mailbox every few days, I love it! In compiling my list of favorites, I discovered that in 2009 I only watched around 40 movies, compared with around 60 movies in 2008. Interesting.

My top six movies watched in 2009:

1. SEVEN POUNDS: This tale of personal redemption starring Will Smith will leave you wiping tears of disbelief.

2. TAKING CHANCE: Based on true events, Kevin Bacon portrays a USMC Lt. Col. who unwittingly ends up accompanying the body of 19-year-old Chance Phelps, a soldier whom he did not know, back to his family. The movie follows his journey and subtly conveys a message of hope and patriotism that still exists across the country.  I was especially humbled by the representation (said to be accurate by real-life Marines) of solemn ritual surrounding each step of the young man's return home.  It was a beautiful movie; unfortunately not released in theaters.

3. BURN AFTER READING: Unpredictable. Hilarious. Thought-provoking. It's one of my favorite experiences to start a movie without a clue about the story, and then love every minute of it.  Brad Pitt's character was perfect.

4. 500 DAYS OF SUMMER: The story elements were so real and vivid, but captured very creatively. I love me a uniquely portrayed story, and this one had the jumping forward and back in the relationship (tracked by number of days), the random, totally relateable musical outbreak, and the duality of expectations vs. actual events displayed simultaneously in one scene.


5. RUN, FATBOY, RUN: Quirky and hilarious tale of triumph. These independent type films are a crap-shoot, but this one goes on the 'worth it' list. Also on that list from this year are Lars and the Real Girl and Henry Poole Is Here, although they were not as outwardly funny as this one.
6. FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL: The romantic comedy usually follows a certain predictable pattern, but I found this particular movie to be fresh and distinctive. I guess male frontal nudity will do that, but the context allows it to remain goofy rather than obscene. It's just Jason Segel anyway. Ew. I'd put The Proposal and He's Just NOT That Into You next on my list for excellent rom-coms of the year.
I hope you'll watch some and let me know what you think!

Worlds of Fantasy

While I make no apologies for my objections to clothing and other paraphernalia branded with television and movie characters the likes of Dora, SpongeBob, and Tinkerbell, it would be deceitful for me not to admit that certain characters themselves I find endearing. A quick mental categorization between the charming and irritating indicates a strong personal preference toward those characters that influenced my own childhood and have remained popular because of a sort of "classic" status. That rule is not all-encompassing however. I really like the little Canadian boy named Caillou on PBS kids/Sprout who stars in what used to be practically the only TV show my daughter would watch. And just because I played with Barbies and Strawberry Shortcake as a child does not automatically make me a fan of their new singing and dancing DVD series'. So there are definitely exceptions.

When Disney reintroduced the concept of the animated feature film with The Little Mermaid in 1989, I was at the impressionable age of eight, and I still count this movie among my absolute favorites. In the years that followed, my parents' garage, when empty, became my undersea fantasyland. I would strap on rollerskates and circle the garage singing "Part of Your World." I felt as graceful as a mermaid, but probably looked as awkward as a lobster.

At one- to two-year intervals Disney released another amazing cartoon adventure, and for a while there it seemed that each one was better than the last. Then they reached Pocahontas, and well, they can't all be winners. For me, it was downhill from there, but perhaps that has more to do with my own growing up that paralleled the progression.

For the most part, I appreciate each of the classic Disney princess movies, but this whole Disney Princesses as an enterprise of its own turns me off. As Madelyn is old enough to choose what she likes and wants to obsess about, I'll work to keep my aversions under control and allow her an appropriate amount of freedom to identify with characters if she so chooses. But for now, we just steer clear of commercialized toys, books, and et cetera that would create a premature longing.

All this introduction culminates here: we went to see Disney on Ice~Worlds of Fantasy on Saturday. I was unsure of the extent to which Madelyn would enjoy it. First of all, the showing we could attend started at 7pm, nearly her bedtime. Also, due more to her short attention span than any self-righteous purpose, we haven't introduced Madelyn to Disney movies, so I knew she wouldn't recognize Ariel, Sebastian, Simba, and Scar. And lastly, while I am deeply fascinated and awestruck by the athletic art of figure skating, I was quite sure that Madelyn would not be able to appreciate the incredible skills demonstrated on the ice.

But Madelyn's newest favorite show (replacing Caillou) is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Incidentally, I have mixed feelings about that show: the characters are the classic Disney mice, ducks, and...dog(?) we all know and love, but the new-fangled digital animation bugs me. I know, I am weird. But at least I've set my crazy opinions aside in this case and let Madelyn watch this relatively innocuous and fairly educational show. I happen to find the theme song kind of cute, and I love that the fun "Hot Dog song" featured at the end of every episode is written and performed by They Might be Giants, a mainstream alternative rock band. But I digress. Because of this current fixation with Mickey and friends, we opted to take advantage for the opportunity for a fun family night out.

Madelyn fared well under the circumstances, but her mother, on the other hand, was enthralled. I LOVE watching ice dancing and fantasized about being a figure skater in my youth. I realize that I don't think I've ever seen skating like this in person, only on TV. So I was enthralled by the performances, and to make the deal even sweeter, two of the featured stories were from my two all-time favorite Disney movies: The Little Mermaid and The Lion King.

My interest began to wane along with Madelyn's toward the end, however, as I'm not very familiar with the new Tinkerbell movie. The skating was still interesting, but one drawback of the excellent seats Gary got us is that it was easy to see the faces of performers who looked bored or broke character when they passed each other and laughed. I know that performing the same routine night after night, month after month, can grow mundane. But seriously people, you get to travel the country dancing on ice skates. This is probably what you dreamed about as a child, so enjoy it! Most people's jobs are significantly less interesting than yours.

I am so glad that we went to this show. The skating was captivating and the flood of warm childhood memories welcome. Madelyn might not fully appreciate everything that she saw, but she was mostly entertained, and rotated between Mom, Dad, and Grandma's laps munching the Kettle Corn we snuck inside. Indisputably, her favorite parts were the little breaks when Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy graced the floor, and also when bubbles floated down from the ceiling. Enjoy a few photos, if you will.

Who knew mermaids could do the splits?

This is ME in my garage on rollerskates.

We did have really great seats, but some of these close-ups are courtesy of my amazing new camera.

The entire 'Little Mermaid' portion was the highlight for me.

Simba's a little washed out, but marvel at my shutter-click timing!

I nearly don't believe it myself, but Pumbaa appeared to be portrayed by one skater with his or her hands wearing skates in the front. It was the weirdest thing to watch and imagine trying to do.

As much as I love 'The Lion King,' the lions on their hind legs in bodysuits was a bit strange. I was able to look past it for the most part.

Six childhood movies I still adore

Something special remains about movies I fell in love with in my youth. Even a film that could never be considered for any Academy Awards holds a power beyond its cinematography prowess when it represents the emotional state of a period of my life. Here are just a few titles that come to mind when I think of movies which have maintained that "classic" status for me, ones that I would not hesitate to watch over and over again.

In no particular order, and certainly not an exhaustive list...

1) The Cutting Edge. The glamour of figure skating. The thrill of forbidden flirtation. To this day my heart swells with unabashed joy when I picture D.B. Sweeney and Moira Kelly sharing that first kiss at the conclusion of their perilous winning performance. Cheesy, of course, but this was before I had seen 112 other movies with the same I-hate-you-but-now-I-love-you concept.

2. Dumb and Dumber. I still believe this is arguably one of the funniest movies ever made. There are so many classic lines that I continue to use on a regular basis. Tommy Boy has that similar place in my heart.

3. A League of their Own. Come on, this movie is so good! Star-studded ensemble cast, funny, touching, at least somewhat historically enlightening, and chock full of affirmative moral lessons. What more could a girl want? This is the way I want to remember Rosie O'Donnell.

4. Newsies. D U H. I'm willing to bet that I still have the soundtrack memorized, and still get twitterpated just thinking about those cuties.

5. Wild Hearts Can't be Broken. Another character-shaping movie featuring a strong female lead living any little girl's dream (performing with horses) who overcomes profound tragedy. You can watch the epic conclusion here.

6. The Chipmunk Adventure. I imagine this will be the most controversial selection on my list. There are several more "mainstream" animated films I also consider representative of my childhood, most notably Disney's The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and The Lion King. But there is a separate place in my heart for this one, perhaps partly because it is so obscure. Much like The Brave Little Toaster, which should also be on this list. I borrowed The Chipmunk Adventure on DVD for our road trip this summer, and was fully entertained singing along to the high-pitched songs of world adventure from the front seat while Madelyn enjoyed this classic from in the car.

On a final note, I know many peers of my generation would include The Princess Bride and Goonies on a list like this. But I didn't see those movies until I was in high school and college, respectively, so I don't consider them influential movies from my youth. In addition, while The Princess Bride earns its right as a highly celebrated, timeless classic, I did not enjoy Goonies nearly as thoroughly. That is a movie, like at least some on my list here, whose frame of reference and associated memories of the viewer lend more value than the movie itself.

What movies are on your list?

Flashback Friday: Almost popular, again

Last week I flashed back to third grade, when I was left feeling as though my chance to be Popular had been whisked away because of one silly err on my part. Now I'll recount the next time my chances of joining ranks with the "in" crowd were smashed. Only this time it was all my brother's fault.

Since moving away from the elementary school where I had once been destined for Popularity, I had hovered around the middle rungs of the social ladder in upper elementary and junior high school. I wasn't the most popular girl in school, the one lusted after by boys and envied by girls. But I didn't get stuff thrown in my hair on the bus either. I played soccer with lots of Cool Kids, and was occasionally even invited to join them at birthday parties or other social events throughout middle and high school. But my closest friendships were mostly formed with the girls with whom I went to church, and we wouldn't have been considered among the top-ranking in Popularity as far as those labels go. I enjoyed my brief moments rubbing elbows with the pre-teen elite, and regrettably struggled at times with the desire to be considered "one of them," instead of being satisfied with my more meaningful friendships or the idea that I could be well-liked and even respected without being "Popular."

Certainly it's a pathetic way to view the world, in terms of Popularity--whatever definition that word might wear.

But at any rate, that's Junior High. And this is where our story begins: at the Eighth Grade graduation party. Yearbooks are being passed around for the standard "your cool" and "have a gr8 summer" sentiments. Students are shedding tears over all the special memories they have created and the fact that they might not see one another for TWO WHOLE MONTHS over the summer. !!! What a blissful life.

Polaroid photo taken at 8th Grade Celebration. Oddly enough, almost all the peers pictured were Popular Kids. How did I get in this picture? Maybe I was cooler than I thought. Or maybe I snuck in like a 13th wheel. In case it isn't obvious, I'm the ugly one with braces on the far left.

This guy who goes by Butch strikes up a conversation with me at the party. I didn't know him well enough to be considered a friend. He was just a guy I knew, one who I would look up to from my place on the middle of the proverbial popularity ladder. He was a Cool Kid, from my vantage point at least.

In my yearbook Butch writes:

Imagine being a 13-year-old girl, and see if you can identify each nuance that might be scrutinized with delight (the misspelling of "lose" not among them). Butch also asked me to go to a movie with him in the summer. Wow. I could feel it already: Ninth grade was going to be different.

We made plans to meet at the movie theatre for our date a couple of weeks later. Yes, the proposal was genuine and the plan indeed executed!

Butch said he would buy our tickets and wait for me at the front doors. Such a gentleman, considering this was a few years before he would be old enough to pick me up on my doorstep with a dozen long-stemmed roses. Give him a break, okay?

All I had to do was procure my own ride to the theatre. For some reason my parents were both not at home this day. I was left to rely on my oldest brother for this most crucial element of what might be considered my first date. I literally cannot remember the details surrounding this life-altering quarter of an hour, but I do remember distinctly pleading with Richard to hurry up and take me to the movie so that I would not be late, and him being otherwise occupied, unwilling to relent. He finally, and with a frighteningly disgruntled sigh I'm sure, gathered himself and the keys and I hopped anxiously into the passenger seat.

Since we left our house somewhere around the time (or possibly even after) the movie was scheduled to begin rolling, it was a tense three-mile drive. I was nervous, mortified, and really at a loss for what to do. In 1994, cellular phones were still quite uncommon, and certainly no one who just finished middle school had one. I kept visualizing my soon-to-be new friend sitting outside the theatre on a concrete bench, his face lighting up when we finally pulled in, and us skipping hand-in-hand down the dark hallway toward our seats just as the opening credits concluded.

Instead, we pulled alongside the curb in front of a deserted ticket booth. Butch was nowhere to be seen. I asked my brother to wait while I checked inside, and I hope that by the time I emerged from the lobby onto the pale, desolate concrete alone that he felt sorry.

I don't have the kind of relationship with my brother that would have allowed me to air my frustration and blame the way I wanted to. Which would have involved ear-splitting yells and possibly some PG-rated violence. Instead I shrunk back into the Camry seat and stared out the window while we drove home, hiding my shameful tears from Big Brother.

I spoke to Butch once more after that, attempting to explain over the phone the humiliating circumstances that forced me to stand him up unintentionally. He said he enjoyed the movie, and didn't seem interested in forgiving me and trying again.

Maybe I could have salvaged my chance at Popularity by going inside and finding the boy. But I probably would have needed a ticket to get past the teenager guarding the hallways. And I didn't have any money. And my brother sure as hell wasn't going to give me a ride AND six bucks. And then I would have felt as though Butch had wasted his money on the other ticket. Which in essence, he had already done, so why would that have mattered? I probably also wondered if perhaps Butch had even shown up in the first place, and I didn't want Richard to leave until I confirmed his presence, and then how would I come back out and tell him it was okay to leave after successfully getting in to the movie 15 minutes late? It was all so complicated and my immature self just didn't know what to do at the time.

It's probably best that I wasn't Popular anyway. Here's to my REAL friends:

Julee, Kristen, Mikael, Bridget ~ June 1993

True friendship is fun. And forgiving.

(Like each will offer me for posting this lovely picture on the internet)

Criminals at Twilight

For a special New Year's Day date, my husband and I ventured out to the movie theatre. Such an excursion is very rare for us. In all of 2008, I'm not sure I saw more than two movies on the big screen. Truthfully, I prefer watching movies at home. I can wear my jammies and slippers, cuddle up in a big blanket, and make my own delectable treats to enjoy. Paying eight times the price to see a movie in a crowded theatre in exchange for relinquishing those comforts of home is not very appealing. Having said that, sometimes it's nice to just do something--anything--which could be construed as a real live "date" with my Honey. Plus, we got a new Entertainment Book for Christmas, so decided to go all crazy and use the discounted movie coupons.


Since we never see movie trailers on television (bless you, TiVo), we selected one based on two criteria: 1) appealing online description, and 2) starts within a convenient window of time. The one that fit the bill was Yes Man. The movie was fun, with some great laugh-out-loud scenes. The comedic tone was quite similar to that of Jim Carrey's Liar Liar, with the notable plot exception being that in Yes Man, Jim Carrey's character makes a choice to improve his life by saying "yes," rather than fighting a spell requiring him to tell the truth, as in Liar Liar. Gary and I both thoroughly enjoyed this escape into unabashed mirth and frivolity. So much so, in fact, that when I mentioned that the other movie we had wanted to see started in four minutes, Gary actually called his mother to see if she wouldn't mind keeping our daughter a little longer.

Since I have quite possibly the most generous mother-in-law west of the Mississippi, we bounded out of those springy seats, then sauntered down the hall to the theatre showing a little movie called Twilight, which you might have heard of.

Although my husband has read the entire Twilight series, I of course have not. But I was actually very excited to see this movie. I feel pretty left out being one of the few remaining humans having yet to read the books. Fully realizing that watching the movie would pale in comparison to the experience of delving into the world of Twilight through Stephenie Meyer's writing, I still wanted to know the story. Then I could at least have a basic understanding when anyone or her grandma started talking about Edward's eyes or "the prom scene."

So we nonchalantly meandered down the hall to find the right theatre. Isn't one paid movie ticket like an "all-access pass" to the theatre as a whole? Gary left me at the door to go use the men's room. I walked up the ramp and found the surprisingly small theatre jammed full. I walked up and down the steps, scanning each row, and found only a few single seats. Our best option (well, besides just accepting the fact that all of the people who had purchased tickets for this movie had filled it) was a couple of seats in the front two rows, one diagonally behind the other. When Gary returned, I showed him, and he shrugged his approval. We were both too excited to see the movie to care that we wouldn't be able to hold hands. Oh wait, and we're not in eighth grade, either. I climbed over the back to get to my seat in the middle of the second row just as the lights went out and previews started to roll.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that folks laden with buckets of popcorn and over-sized Cokes kept trickling in the door, scrutinizing the theatre as I did in search of a seat. I tried not to stare, but couldn't help but do the math. I realized that one group came in, left baffled, and returned with an usher. My eyes focused on the screen, with visions of a junior-high assembly creeping to mind. One where a student shouts the F-word when the teachers' backs are turned, and we all have to stay in the gym until the culprit comes forward.

Would they do that? My conscience got the best of me for a minute, and I imagined the trailers on pause and the house lights brightening up. The teenaged usher, in all his pimply glory, stands in front of the crowd and authoritatively states that only as many tickets as there are plush seats in this room have been sold. "Who among you dares steal from a Hollywood Blockbuster? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!!"

Just as I was putting the finishing touches on my plan for explaining why I didn't have my ticket stub in my pocket, I peeked over at the usher. He seemed to be motioning one of them to a seat on the far side of the theatre, and I believe I deciphered his gestures to the other guest as an offer to set chairs in the wheelchair spaces.

My heart rate returned to normal just in time for Bella to start talking about death.

My assessment of the movie was very different from Gary's. While he insisted on critiquing many of the casting selections and director's choices (as one is wont to do when viewing the scenes in his imagination wrongly interpreted by another), I just kicked back and loved it. I can see how the story itself drew in readers with such force, and oddly, watching the movie piqued my interested in reading the books. Watching other big screen novel adaptations has not had the same effect on me. For example, after seeing the Harry Potter movies, I just feel pleased that I got to experience in a mere two hours what all you book-loving suckers spent several days absorbing. The same goes for the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course, I didn't really have any interest in reading those series' before watching the movie, but I would have expected any previously held interest in reading Twilight to likewise be satiated after watching the movie. Not so.

Twilight was not by any stretch of the imagination an Academy-Award winning film. It should not earn a place on a list of best movies of 2008, let alone of all time. I think it's interesting that I found myself forgiving some of the movie's faults based on the knowledge that it was adapted from a book. In places where I would have been frustrated with the lack of character development or critical of the choppy editing, I actually thought, "I'm sure that was explained much better in the book," or "I bet they had to cut out a lot of the important details here," and excused the filmmakers for it. I didn't feel the need to pardon Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings in such ways, but perhaps those glaring omissions added to my desire to get the full story from the book. I am usually not so quick to absolve a movie for such offenses, so perhaps I was just in the mood to be entertained. I'm glad I was, and am delighted to report that I plan to find a way to make time to read this year.

My favorite movies of 2008

I'm sure several of these movies were released prior to 2008, but of all the movies I watched this year, these were my ten favorites. I wanted to do a six list, but couldn't stand leaving off the last four.

1. THE NUMBER 23: Original, intriguing story. Perfectly suspenseful. If Jim Carrey was born to do comedy, then I'm glad he stuck around to do drama (The Truman Show or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, anyone?).

2. THANK YOU FOR SMOKING: Being a non-smoker, I mistakenly believed I'd be severely disinterested in this film. Instead I was delighted by a creative and intelligent satirical comedy. And I don't know if anyone else noticed, but throughout the entire movie, not a single person was shown actually smoking (except on a TV screen showing a black & white movie). I found their creative ways to exclude the visual in a film full of smokers very interesting.

3. THE HOLIDAY: The best way to describe this movie: ADORABLE. Every protagonist as cute as the next, each moment more tender than the one before it, while remarkably circumventing the gag factor. Clever. Fun. Charming.

4. THE DEPARTED: This sat around in our DVR for months before we finally decided to watch it. LOVED IT far more than expected, even with the brutal Scorsese ending. Kept thinking about it for days...the ultimate sign of a very good movie.

5. SWEENEY TODD: Grotesquely gut-wrenching. Passionately heart-wrenching. Perfectly cast, performed, and artistically designed. This ain't no Rogers & Hammerstein musical. Sondheim, Burton, and Depp form a magical trio.

6. WAITRESS: More spiritually profound than expected. Very witty, honest, and an overall delight from start to finish!

7. 3:10 TO YUMA: Western flicks, not usually my favorite. It took me about 20 minutes to get connected with the plot, but from then on it was awesome. However, it was a shame to have Christian Bale looking so horrid for 2 hours.

8. AUGUST RUSH: I thoroughly enjoyed this film, in spite of the child's strange raspy intonation throughout. The acoustic guitar pieces were incredible, and both love stories enchanting.

9. THE FOUNTAIN: Poignantly mind-blowing. Asks those questions in life that can't be answered. A uniquely inventive story told through breathtaking visual imagery.

10. JUNO: I really enjoyed this story because it seemed gritty and real, despite a few instances of contrived comedic dialogue. I still thought it was funny and found myself identifying in a strange way with the central character. And I just learned that Juno was directed by the same man (Jason Reitman) who wrote and directed Thank You for Smoking. Coincidence? I think not.

Six worst movies of 2008

Most of these movies were probably released prior to 2008, but of the movies I watched this year, these were the six worst (without considering any that I couldn't even bear to finish, such as Conversations with Other Women and Monster-in-Law).

1. GOOD LUCK CHUCK: I am continually amazed at the kind of CRAP that passes for a movie. 'How can we take a bunch of footage of a guy having nasty sex and turn it into a full-length feature film?' Who needs a plot or decent acting skill when you have Jessica Alba's face and body on the screen?

2. LUCKY YOU: What was bad: the story, dialogue, acting, direction, and editing. What was good: for about 25 minutes near the end they departed entirely from the horrible sub-plots and focused on an intense poker tournament so I felt more like we were watching ESPN than the awful movie.

3. NEXT: Very interesting concept, with plot holes big enough to drive a semi-truck through. Disappointing.

4. LICENSE TO WED: One of an overpopulated movie genre that is painfully frustrating to watch. Characters involved in situations no one would put up with in real life and which have a very simple solution that the protagonists inexplicably cannot figure out.

5. CRANK: This could have been labeled Speed 3; this time his body is the bus. For action-movie lovers, you might not be able to beat 90 minutes of a guy forced to keep his adrenaline pumping, but the relentless intensity lost its appeal without a good storyline to ground it.

6. THE INVASION: Really, really bad. If the cheesy zombie-movie plot weren't enough, the filmmakers over-exerted themselves in trying to emphasize a political/existential point about the human race. Also, instead of letting the audience react to the story as it unfolds, they kept using lame dialogue and camera angles to reiterate the obvious.

Behind the scenes of An American Carol

As you can probably tell, every movie in my mini-reviews has been viewed on the small screen, at home (most are really old). Back at the beginning of October, Gary and I ventured out and watched a movie in the theatre.


The movie is called An American Carol. Ever heard of it? I haven't encountered many people who have, which is a shame. The film parodies anti-American liberal ideology, and although the slapstick, Three Stooges-esque comedy went far overboard for my taste, it managed to present a very poignant message throughout.

An American Carol ultimately promotes patriotism and gratitude. I believe the extent to which the director, David Zucker, used cartoonish contrivances hurt the viability of his film. But I suppose it is what his audience has come to expect, after series the likes of Airplane and Naked Gun.

Roll-the-eyes goofy humor aside, the message of the film resonated with me, and I found myself wishing everyone would watch movies like this instead of (or at least in addition to) ones like Farenheit 9/11. But apparently people aren't interested in movies that show them why America is still a great nation and why there is more to war than senseless death. The movie wasn't marketed well to begin with, and not surprisingly had a very poor box office showing.

Coincedentally, we went to see this movie on opening night. It is unusual for us to go to the movie theatre at all, but to do so on a weekend is even more rare. So we were disappointed to find a ticket line wrapping around the side of the building. I overheard an employee behind the glass explain to a customer through his little microphone, "our credit machines were down....And Beverly Hills Chihuahua opens tonight." Wow. It's no wonder the general public doesn't have much context in which to place a movie like Carol.

The gist of the plot: A cynical filmmaker with a marked resemblance to one Michael Moore initiates a crusade to abolish the 4th of July Holiday. Meanwhile, Afghani terrorists are finding it increasingly difficult to find good suicide bombers ("and all the good ones are gone"). After viewing his documentaries, they determine that "Michael Malone" hates America as much as they do, and hire him to direct their new recruitment film based on his superb ability to bend the truth. While Malone inadvertently facilitates the terrorists' plan to launch another attack on American soil, he is visited by three spirits who show him the true meaning of 4th of July (a la A Christmas Carol) by taking him through some not-too-ancient moments in World History.

Because this movie promoted such a rare, strong conservative viewpoint, I was very curious about its actors. It featured many big-name celebrities such as Kelsey Grammer, John Voigt, Leslie Nielsen, James Woods, and more. The Michael Moore-inspired character I thought was geniusly portrayed by Kevin Farley, younger brother of the late Chris Farley (one of my teenage crushes). Did these actors view their role as just another Hollywood paycheck? Did they understand the position of the film before agreeing to be in it? Did any get on board specifically to promote its message? If so, were any concerned about sacrificing their careers for the cause?

Enter Google: all-knowing power of the Universe. My searches unearthed some surprising and exciting revelations. There are still people out there who have a love of Country and understand the costs of Freedom in spite of the popular mentality.

The story that amused me most was when the director first met Kevin Farley. Zucker introduced the topic of the film with carefully-chosen words, hoping not to alienate him with the political message of the film. Likewise, Farley assumed that Zucker was a democrat ("like everyone else in Hollywood," he says), so responded with his own strategic vagueness before reading the script and enthusiastically accepting the part.

Farley describes the experience as "a dance familiar to conservative actors in Hollywood. Lots of actors have done it." Apparently Farley usually keeps mum about his political sway among actors, unless "they go off about the president. It just gets annoying."

The admirably articulate Kelsey Grammer is quoted in the same article for saying, "The accepted way to speak about America is in the voice that disrespects it. And the voice that's unacceptable is the one that loves America...How did we get here?"

What the actor playing General George S. Patton described is something that you already know really bothers me: the idea that patriotism is out of fashion, but professing plans to move to socialized countries (whose citizens in turn travel to the US for major medical care) earns a person great respect.

So how do you make a film set amidst the war on terror funny? After all, the subject of war is not particularly hilarious. But the humor that works is based on satirical truths. Anti-war rallies of today mirror-images with those circa 1940 (Oh yes, Germany should have been left to continue their peaceful ways without interference). A scene depicting Neville Chamberlain polishing Hitler's boots as they sign the Munich Agreement (reasoning with radical aggressives is futile). A clip of Rosie "O'Connell's" new documentary "The Truth About Radical Christians" featuring plane-hijacking priests and suicide-bomber nuns. (I won't dispute that religious extremists of any faith can cause trouble, but how often do their antics kill thousands of innocent people?)

One reviewer came down pretty harshly on An American Carol for its vulgar treatment of some delicate issues. While I agree that the movie relied too heavily on undignified slapstick, I don't support Mr. Orndorf's assessment that the film's intent was disingenuous. Specifically, he criticizes a scene depicting Malone and his guiding spirit overlooking Ground Zero because "9/11 isn't funny." Duh. The sobering moment at the base of New York's fallen towers is meant to remind us what we are fighting for. Is war the answer? David Zucker says, "It depends on the question."

I encourage you to rent this movie, if you can find it. Most of the movie reviews I browsed online assigned it adjectives such as "tasteless," "depressing," and "atrocious." I will reiterate that the farcical sight gags do go a bit far. But if you can suffer through a few fat-guy jokes and proverbial pies in the face, then maybe you'll appreciate the message of the film. I only wish it had been showcased a little better. At the very least, Kevin Farley's mannerisms bring back some tender memories of his beloved brother Chris.

Cyber-tag

All the fun of the classic children's game, without the pesky social interaction and exercise! I've been tagged by Bridget, so here goes:

FOUR RANDOM THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY HUSBAND:
1. He can be adorably goofy
2. He does approximately 90% of the housework
3. He loves to read stories to our daughter
4. He puts up with ME

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Foodserver at Stanford's
2. Foodserver at Monteaux's
3. Curves Owner
4. Mother

FOUR MOVIES I'VE WATCHED MORE THAN ONCE:
1. The Cutting Edge
2. Fried Green Tomatoes
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. Waiting for Guffman

FOUR TV SHOWS I WATCH:
1. The Simpsons
2. The Office
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
4. South Park

FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY:
1. My mom
2. Karen D
3. Melinda M
4. Linda T

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:
1. Cheese (most varieties)
2. Peaches
3. Avocados
4. Chocolate Chip Cookies (recently the "Panookie" at a local restaurant which is an amazing fresh baked cookie-in-a-pan. Mmmm)

FOUR PLACES I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT:
1. Australia
2. Fiji
3. Aspen, CO
4. Alaska (this time on a road trip instead of a cruise)

FOUR THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE COMING YEAR:
1. Following Madelyn's cognitive development
2. Camping with Wiyaka, DJ, and Lilly
3. The new Winkel Family Christmas Box tradition
4. Embarking on some new life adventures

FOUR PEOPLE I TAG:
1. Julee (something to take your mind off the morning sickness, and an excuse to put something on your blog!)
2. Sarah E
3. Wiyaka
4. Jeni

When people email me surveys like this, I never do them. So I will completely understand if you don't want to play.

Also, in an attempt to redeem myself from the pathetic single post in October, I have semi-accepted* Bridget's challenge to join on the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) bandwagon. So I'll be attempting a daily blog in November.

*so if I fail miserably I can pretend I wasn't really committed

Mini-Movie Review Archives

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Adorable and fun and intriguing. I loved the character portrayals.

NEW MOON: I neglected posting this mini-review after attending the midnight showing on 11.20.09 because I thought I would write a whole post about it. But I didn't. I liked the movie. Bridget's review said what I was thinking. Except for this: "Go Team Jacob!" (ha ha)

MAMMA MIA!: Some VERY cute scenes, others (mostly the boring slow songs) I fast-forwarded through.  The story was heart warming and fun, however.

DEFINITELY, MAYBE: I thoroughly enjoyed this creative story about changing relationships.

HENRY POOLE IS HERE: Very similar to "Lars" actually. Slow-moving, but sweet, thought-provoking, and mildly humorous.

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: A very thoughtful movie. Quietly funny.

EAGLE EYE: LAME. 


THE MUMMY 3: We came THIS close to just turning it off halfway through, but forced our willing suspension of disbelief to new heights and pushed through to the lame ending.


PRINCE CASPIAN (CHRONICLES OF NARNIA): Fairly enjoyable to watch, but it was one of those movies--like most grand epics are for me--that I don't tend to remember much about later. Probably my own fault more than the film's.


WANTED: Quite graphic, in a comic-booky way, but a very exciting action flick. The fight choreography was creative and entertaining; that stuff usually bores me.

HANCOCK: An innovative story, executed perfectly. Really fun.

WAITING...:I've been there. And I adore Ryan Reynolds. Yet the movie was disappointing. Clearly the goal of satirizing restaurant work was of more import than creating a decent movie, but even the restaurant humor would have been much more funny by using the art of subtlety.

17 AGAIN: Yeah, the concept's been done before, but still a cute, wholesome movie.

WALL-E: More confusing than entertaining. Story based on a shaky premise full of unanswered questions. And the characters just weren't that loveable, although I have to give credit to Pixar for making a pretty darn cute robot.

THE ULTIMATE GIFT: Some distractingly poor acting in parts, an expected level of cheesiness, but overall a nice story. No mistaking its adaptation from a book, because portions of character development and storyline seemed absent that I imagine were covered more clearly in the written form.

THE PROPOSAL: Perfect movie for my night out with girlfriends. Our row laughed out loud A LOT. And I have a huge crush on Ryan Reynolds, he is adorable.

SEVEN POUNDS: Warning: bring a box of tissues. This movie wasn't just good, it was good for you.


500 DAYS OF SUMMER: Actually went to the theatre for this one, and LOVED it. The story elements were so real and vivid, but captured very creatively.

RUN FATBOY RUN: Quirky and hilarious.

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: Very enjoyable in spite of (or because of?) the fact that I could personally (and somewhat painfully) relate to each woman's unique relationship situation.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL: Not as bad as all the reports I'd heard, but still challenged the most willing suspension of disbelief. Almost as though paying homage to the old Indy movies, but audience expectations have come a long way since the 80's.

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL: Absolutely hilarious. Better than the average Rom-Com.

THE X-FILES: Used to love the X-Files, but this movie was a huge disappointment. Overly contrived plot, awkwardly forced dialogue, weak character development.

SHOOTER: Not a bad movie, but kind of forgettable.

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN: So, so funny in an adolescent sort of way. Hummus finally gets some well-deserved time in the spotlight in this film, including the birth of this apt definition: "a very tasty, diarrhea-like substance."

THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2: I'm proud to say my husband and I both love these movies. The first was better, but this one was still enjoyable. Such wholesome, fun stories.

KUNG FU PANDA: We laughed out loud many a time. One of the better animated features of late.

BABY MAMA: Not as dumb as I expected it to be. The story boasted

more depth than I anticipated.

PENELOPE: A very fun story and a uniquely presented, positive message.

THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES: Typical youth fantasy in the style of Jumanji, et al.

THE LOVE GURU: Definitely some funny moments, but not sure they outweigh the very stupid ones.

AMERICAN GANGSTER: A powerful story and very well done.

VANTAGE POINT: Pretty fun. Some unexpected twists made up for the less-creative plot contrivances.

TAKING CHANCE: Everyone should see this movie.

FOOL'S GOLD: Pure fun! Just what I was in the mood for. An entertaining action comedy.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: Quietly paced. Gripping. Chilling. I doubt the brilliant Coen Brothers could have chosen a less evocative title, however.

TAKEN: If you are not as lucky as I, you will have to pay for an entire seat to see this movie. But you'll only need the edge of it, because this movie was fast-paced and full of thrilling yet emotionally charged action. I liked it.

BURN AFTER READING: Unpredictable. Hilarious. Thought-provoking.

REVOLVER: I really liked this movie, in spite of the fact that I am still baffled by it. I can't entirely make sense of the plot and underlying philosophy.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Creative story, clearly adapted from a novel--the plot was far too intricate to develop so briefly. Then all of a sudden it ended while the protagonist announced all of the conflicts they still needed to resolve. Setting up for the sequel of course, but will it ever be produced?

SLEUTH: It took only a few moments for me to correctly guess this movie was based on a stage play. As if Kenneth Branaugh as director shouldn't have given that away. Slow beginning, but a fun twisty plot if you don't mind the theatrics of a two-man cast.

MEET THE ROBINSONS: Possibly the least entertaining animated feature I've seen in a long time. I actually was a little bored, and I usually love these fun movies. Had a cute ending, though.

SWEENEY TODD: Grotesquely gut-wrenching. Passionately heart-wrenching. Perfectly cast, performed, and artisitcally designed. This ain't no Rogers & Hammerstein. Sondheim, Burton, and Depp form a magical trio.

THE CONTRACT: Premise: great. Execution: poor. So disappointing when filmmakers lack respect for their audience to such a degree that they overlook the glaring holes in the story. (i.e. "wouldn't the charaters just [do this?]" and "why did the kid [do that] when in real life he would have just [done this other thing?]"

FRED CLAUS: I love Vince Vaughn, and he was the best part of the movie. It was kind of fun in a kooky way, but I was mostly disturbed by the scene after Fred saves Christmas by delivering all the presents, in which the elves gather around Santa's magic snow globe and watch children all over the world opening their presents accompanied by a very solemn version of the hymn, "Silent Night." The juxtaposition of the holy birth of Jesus in the song with children ripping open shiny new bikes and hula hoops was unsettling.

FREEDOM WRITERS: Yes, we've seen this true-story adaptation a dozen times: the inexperienced yet passionate teacher overcomes opposition and inspires inner-city kids with no future to form interracial connections and apply their minds through [insert sport or school subject here]. Just like in 3:10 to Yuma, it took me 20-30 minutes to feel sympathetic enough toward the characters to want to see what happens. The emotions seemed to run deeper in this film than others of the same genre, and in the end I really enjoyed it.

3:10 TO YUMA: Western flicks, not usually my favorite. It took me about 20 minutes to get connected with the plot, but from then on it was awesome. However, it was a shame to have Christian Bale looking so horrid for 2 hours.

THE INVASION: Really, really bad. If the cheesy zombie-movie plot weren't enough, the filmmakers over-exerted themselves in trying to emphasize a political/existential point about the human race. Also, instead of letting the audience react to the story as it unfolds, they kept using lame dialogue and camera angles to reiterate the obvious.

27 DRESSES: Every conflict and subsequent resolution was predicted within the first five minutes of the movie, because we have all seen this one a dozen times set against slightly different backgrounds. Still cute, but I enjoyed it a little less than I expected.

WHY DID I GET MARRIED?: For the first half of the film it was painfully evident that this is an adaptation of a stage play. But the second half redeemed itself with some meaningful dialogue and more genuine performances.

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH: This is the first movie I've seen where I believe the entire thing was shot in front of a blue screen. That turned me off. It was probably more fun than I give it credit for, since I "watched" it while simultaneously working on a computer project.

WAITRESS: More spiritually profound than expected: very witty, honest, and an overall delight from start to finish!

BEE MOVIE: Definitely some laugh-out-loud lines, held together by a
...creative... idea for a story. Animated fantasy is great, but for my willing suspension of disbelief to remain intact, I prefer either humans OR whimsical talking creatures, not interaction between the two.

AUGUST RUSH: I thoroughly enjoyed this film, in spite of the child's strange raspy intonation throughout. The acoustic guitar pieces were incredible, and both love stories enchanting.

MARTIAN CHILD: I love John Cusack, and the kid was cute, but the plot was a little tedious...like a short story attempting to fill feature length.

IN THE LAND OF WOMEN: Story a little bit slow, but a cute and sincere relationship drama with genuinely funny moments.

GOOD LUCK CHUCK: I am continually amazed at the kind of CRAP that passes for a movie. We've hit a streak of bad ones.

THE INVISIBLE: Meh.

LUCKY YOU: What was bad: the story, dialogue, acting, direction, and editing. What was good: for about 25 minutes near the end they departed entirely from the horrible sub-plots and focused on an intense poker tournament so I felt more like we were watching ESPN than the awful movie.

REIGN OVER ME: Great character drama with echos of post-9/11 heartache. Have Kleenexes at the ready.

THE DEPARTED: This sat around in our DVR for months before we finally decided to watch. LOVED IT more than expected, even with the brutal Scorsese ending. Kept thinking about it for days...the ultimate sign of a very good movie.

NEXT: Very interesting concept, with plot holes big enough to drive a semi-truck through. Disappointing.