My baby gets Glamour Shots by Deb

Deb would be (stoically) proud!

Mini-Movie Reviews: Three sci-fi/thrillers

I think we can all agree that M. Night Shyamalan hasn't been able to top The Sixth Sense. My next favorite would have to be The Village, since it actually had a real twist and I didn't see it coming. His other movies lack that touch because the mysterious occurrences were in reality exactly as presented. Case in point: Signs? Oh, it really was aliens, just like everyone thought. Anyway, The Happening was just alright. Overly dramatic as one would expect from the genre, and admittedly gory too, since the premise involves people being exposed to something which makes them commit suicide by whatever means are immediately available. But I found the explanation for such macabre events nothing but laughable (spoiler alert--highlight to read): The PLANTS got angry at humans for mistreating them and released chemicals to defend themselves. Seriously. A lame statement against our horrendous contamination of the planet. 

Nicolas Cage's character dubiously deciphers a number code found inside a time capsule unearthed at his son's school which contains accurate predictions of tragedies which have already occurred, and oh my goodness, one that is on the horizon! I have a hard time losing myself in films like this where the connections between point A and point B don't flow naturally. For example, the cup ring left on the paper prompts Cage to solve a complex code through a subqequent series of guesses, some of which are just too far-fetched. And the ending was just too strange for me (highlight for the spoiler): He sends his "chosen" son off on a spaceship to live with aliens while he stays behind to die, their parting comments beaming with religious undertones. There was a lot going on in Knowing, and too many contrivances to make it really work. 

I have to admit I got a little bored during Push. And there is always that matter of the paradox of time, impossible to be consistent with the effects of a person being able to see the future and how they change that future. But it was still worth a viewing, just for the fun of it. It was the best out of these three selections at very least, and I do know a lot of people who liked this movie a lot. 

Mini Movie Reviews: Four dramas

I've watched at least 17 movies from Netflix since the last time I posted reviews. Here's a group of dramatic films that I enjoyed in the spring.

I actually had no idea this was based on a novel. I enjoyed the moving story of the conflicted father a great deal. 

I did know this one was based on a book. It was also very tender, with an expectedly slow pace.

Okay, I didn't know this one was based on a story, either. A short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald it turns out. The overarching concept of the story (a man aging in reverse) was certainly unique.  The rest of the plot was not quite as interesting, but the special effects behind Brad Pitt's physical transformation deserve recognition. If you're curious (ha ha) you can check out this little video about the CGI. 

Here is a movie--like so many others--that I watched somewhat begrudgingly, properly convinced that it wasn't going to be my cup of tea, only to be thoroughly captivated instead. This happens regularly, so I wonder why I don't have a better grasp of my theatrical preferences. This film does have some graphic scenes, but oh the story is so touching. I do love a movie that keeps you thinking about it long afterward. And I don't believe this one was based on a book...

Mini Movie Reviews: Hot firefighter, Strange puff ball

Much like that book I read last year, I had no idea going in that the central theme of Fireproof was built on a religious message.  I'd overheard a lot of positive buzz about the film, and hadn't considered that those buzzing were probably so enamored with the idea of an "inspirational" movie being on the big screen that they could easily forgive the cheesy dialogue and poor acting from every single actor besides Kirk Cameron, who really held the entire piece together. The "love dare" concept is interesting in itself, however, and I find I'm able to interpret a story like this in a way that is relevant to my frame of reference. 

Surprisingly very funny. We actually laughed out loud a few times, especially pretty much every instance in which Katie appears:

Delightfully odd, if a little creepy.

Mini Movie Reviews take center stage

Providing insight and quick quips about the movies I watch is one of my favorite aspects of this blog.  But it's really tedious to maintain them on the sidebar, especially because I eventually copy each one to an archived post.   In addition, I realized that all that work and occasional cleverness goes unnoticed by anyone who views Beyond Mommy through Google Reader.  I figure that placing my Mini Movie Reviews front and center creates a default opportunity for a real post, allows me to write a tiny bit more when two or three sentences just aren't enough, and may even incite discussion about the films from readers, which is much more fun than just putting my own opinion out there unchallenged.

I'll divide the 13 movie reviews I have to write into multiple posts as time permits. By the way, each image is linked to the movie's profile on IMDb. Please share your comments!

I found the protagonist old man distractingly unattractive. The concept of the flying house obviously requires willing suspension of disbelief, but even within the realm of the fantasy, glaring inconsistencies were hard to ignore. However, the execution of the canine language translator concept was hilarious, and the wordless montage depicting the lifelong romance between the man and his late wife was possibly the sweetest of its kind.

Knowing that this tragic tale actually occurred makes it that much more fascinating.  The gripping story was rounded out by Angelina Jolie's perfectly understated performance (and I'm not usually too keen on her).

Awww, this was a nice little romantic comedy. No complaints really, but nothing to rave about either. 

Oh boy. We almost turned it off more than once. But sometimes you just need to see a conflict resolved, no matter how my beloved Napoleon Dynamite's acting skills suffer outside his legendary breakout role.

We actually DID turn this movie off, as no conflict ever emerged which was worth seeing through to resolution. Perhaps if I don't finish a movie I'm not entitled to write a review, but I figure that maybe I can caution others from wasting that half hour of their lives that I'll never get back. The rather pathetic central character grows so livid about car alarms going off in New York City that he starts bashing in windows and leaving a card identifying him as "The Rectifier." I bet New York has problems that need rectifying far more than errant car alarms. I'm disappointed in you, Tim Robbins. Very disappointed indeed. Even the tagline on that poster is dismal: "The story of a guy who had it up to HEAR." Really? Ugh. 

This one will probably make my "best of" list for this year. Tender, funny, clever, and hooo boy can that Irish accent melt my heart. 

I welcome recommendations for good movies to add to my Netflix queue--and ones to steer clear of too!

Six favorite movies of 2009

Just like on last year's list, some of these movies were not released in 2009, but I mostly watch movies through Netflix, so I get them when I get them. It's like Christmas in the mailbox every few days, I love it! In compiling my list of favorites, I discovered that in 2009 I only watched around 40 movies, compared with around 60 movies in 2008. Interesting.

My top six movies watched in 2009:

1. SEVEN POUNDS: This tale of personal redemption starring Will Smith will leave you wiping tears of disbelief.

2. TAKING CHANCE: Based on true events, Kevin Bacon portrays a USMC Lt. Col. who unwittingly ends up accompanying the body of 19-year-old Chance Phelps, a soldier whom he did not know, back to his family. The movie follows his journey and subtly conveys a message of hope and patriotism that still exists across the country.  I was especially humbled by the representation (said to be accurate by real-life Marines) of solemn ritual surrounding each step of the young man's return home.  It was a beautiful movie; unfortunately not released in theaters.

3. BURN AFTER READING: Unpredictable. Hilarious. Thought-provoking. It's one of my favorite experiences to start a movie without a clue about the story, and then love every minute of it.  Brad Pitt's character was perfect.

4. 500 DAYS OF SUMMER: The story elements were so real and vivid, but captured very creatively. I love me a uniquely portrayed story, and this one had the jumping forward and back in the relationship (tracked by number of days), the random, totally relateable musical outbreak, and the duality of expectations vs. actual events displayed simultaneously in one scene.


5. RUN, FATBOY, RUN: Quirky and hilarious tale of triumph. These independent type films are a crap-shoot, but this one goes on the 'worth it' list. Also on that list from this year are Lars and the Real Girl and Henry Poole Is Here, although they were not as outwardly funny as this one.
6. FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL: The romantic comedy usually follows a certain predictable pattern, but I found this particular movie to be fresh and distinctive. I guess male frontal nudity will do that, but the context allows it to remain goofy rather than obscene. It's just Jason Segel anyway. Ew. I'd put The Proposal and He's Just NOT That Into You next on my list for excellent rom-coms of the year.
I hope you'll watch some and let me know what you think!

One to add to my collection

In case you don't know, I am a very serious fan of The Simpsons. I distinctly remember the weeks of advertising leading up to the series premiere in December 1989, and then eagerly gathering around the television with my entire family to watch that famous first episode, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire." My eight-year-old self latched onto this cartoon family and I feel like we basically grew up together. My personal character developed alongside those of Springfield USA, and as I matured, so did the show. I would say that I credit much of my own sense of humor to The Simpsons, except that I think the more apt analysis is that the series shaped what is considered humorous across popular culture in general. As a long-term fan, I notice the Simpsons' influence in so many movies, TV shows, radio jabber, and more.

The fact that I have seen every single episode aired over 20 years is not as impressive proof of my fanaticism as my prized VHS library. There was a time, not long ago, when you couldn't run to Best Buy or Wal-Mart and pick up your favorite television series' collector's edition DVD with audio commentary and behind-the-scenes footage. Back in the nineties, if you wanted to watch a show under any other circumstances than live at its scheduled time, you would

need to program your Video Cassette Recorder. Taking this idea to a new level, I created an enviable collection of 19 tapes, six to eight hours each, containing episodes recorded from television without commercials. And I carefully cataloged each episode on each tape so that there were no duplicates.

My collection of 19 VHS tapes containing commercial-free, non-duplicated The Simpsons episodes from Seasons 1 through 14

THE SIMPSONS VIII tape with typed episode label as a sample from my prized collection

The project was quite an undertaking. Upon pulling out the videos to snap those photos, I discovered my episode lists from each season with systems for tracking which ones were missing from my tapes, and the scratch paper on which I looked up online and wrote down the dates and times when those episodes would be aired. My mother was a helpful accomplice to my obsession, as she generously bought me tapes with longer recording times, and on many, many occasions sat in front of the TV with the VCR remote to record my episodes and press pause when commercials began and the show resumed. That is true motherly love right there. This endeavor continued into the year 2003, when the accelerated release of complete seasons on DVD threatened to make my collection obsolete. In addition, the invention of TiVo and our "season pass" setting allows me to select from an ever-revolving couple of dozen episodes and watch one by pressing a few buttons on the remote. And I can easily skip the commercials.

I'll let you call me a Simpsons Geek any time. It's an obsession of which I've never been ashamed. And I might not watch those videos right now, but their mere existence is cherished.

As is common when a person indicates an interest in a theme, I have received many Simpsons-related gifts and collected some unique paraphernalia over the years. Here are a few favorite, and more obscure, pieces in my varied collection:

Artwork supposedly signed by Simpsons creator, Matt Groening. It was given to me by one of my high school best friends' dads who dealt in celebrity autographs as a business. I've always wondered at its authenticity, however, especially since he didn't provide any certificate. But I still like it, and yes, I have it framed and hanging on the wall in my house.

Wow, this one is amazing. I don't know where my friend Wiyaka found it, but she sent this Homer marionette of questionable origin for my daughter's first birthday. Technically I guess it belongs to Madelyn, then, who has been able to name the Simpsons family members for about a year now I would guess. (She learned them from the set of nesting dolls below; she doesn't actually watch the show. Yet.)

Madelyn has also commandeered this cool metal lunchbox recently too. She stashed her various trinkets and treasures in there and takes them places.

Another undeniably unlicensed article was mailed to me all the way from the Izmailovsky Market in Russia by my friend Bridget, who was living there at the time. Tiny little Maggie has been misplaced--I can only hope we'll find her when the time comes to move my desk. And Marge's head was sadly crushed underfoot when they were strewn about my office floor by a toddler one day, but the many pieces were carefully superglued back together, and you can't even tell, no? This set of matryoshka dolls is probably my favorite piece of Simpsons memorabilia, due partly to its exceptional distinctiveness and foreign origins, and partly because it reminds me of the bond that Bridget and I shared as teenagers with a mutual appreciation for the creative genius that we knew as The Simpsons.

Yesterday I learned of a new item that I might need to add to my collection:

That sultry temptress Marge has agreed to do a pictorial and appear on the cover of a special Collector's Edition of Playboy as part of the 20th anniversary celebration. I assume the spread will be tasteful and artistic, because surely Marge wouldn't consent to less. Okay, I probably won't buy an issue of "entertainment for men," but I'm curious enough to see it.

Happy upcoming 20th Anniversary, Simpsons!

American Idol Finale: The good, the bad, and the ugly

Whether you were pulling for Adam Lambert or Kris Allen, or even if you had never before seen a minute of American Idol, last week's Season Finale was arguably an unforgettable show.  The abundant guest performers came from the top ranks of stardom, proving that American Idol is recognized as a legitimate musical platform.  It was as diverse a group as could have been imagined: from Rod Stewart to KISS, Fergie to Queen, Cyndi Lauper to Steve Martin. The music was unbelievable, set against a backdrop of mechanical sets and flaming pyrotechnics, with a few nicely construed comedic breaks thrown in for good measure.  Before the winner was ever announced, we were treated to a world-class rock concert.

The two finalists announce alongside Queen that "they are the champions"

But it wasn't all pretty.  Here are my favorite moments of the finale, along with some I would have preferred to do without.

Good: Carlos Santana's genius guitar-riffing highlighted in the center of a circle of idols he accompanied.

Bad: Rod Stewart, just a little too old.

Ugly: Fergie and Black Eyed Peas' hardcore duet had to be bleeped for language. This is a family show!

Ugly: Adam's wire-cage black angel wings?!?!

Good: Okay, once KISS was dramatically lowered onto the stage behind him, it all made sense.  What a lucky bitch to get a chance to sing with those guys.

Bad (maybe the cool kind of bad): Paul Stanley smashed his diamond(?)-encrusted electric guitar against the stage until it broke in two.

I wonder what sort of daily tongue exercise routine these guys have to maintain

Good: Allison Iraheta singing "Time After Time" with Cyndi Lauper, plucking along on her lap guitar. 

Bad: Wish Allison would have sung more and Ms. Lauper a little less. Allison's voice was perfect on this number.

Ugly: Cyndi Lauper sitting spread eagle in those hideous pants.

Good: Did you even know that Steve Martin was a musician? He accompanied a song he wrote on the banjo!

Bad: The undeserving contestants selected to perform Mr. Martin's brainchild were Michael Sarver and Megan Joy Corkery. 

Ugly: I could have happily lived my life without ever hearing Megan Joy sing again. 

Good: Nick Mitchell's "Golden Idol" acceptance: dressed in a black hooded sweatshirt, he professed his regret for not preparing anything because he had no idea he would be coming on stage. Then suddenly he yelled, "Hit it!" and stripped off the sweatshirt to reveal his signature sparkly shirt, allowing us to bask in the glory that is Norman Gentle one last time. So endearing.

Bad: Bikini Girl's "Golden Idol" acceptance: the fact that they even allowed that girl anywhere near the show again makes my blood boil.  Her disgusting fake-baked body strutted out in a shiny new bikini, with some shiny new implants to fill it out. YUCK! 

Good: They let Bikini Girl (Katrina Darrell) sing, and she was truly awful. And then. And THEN Kara Dioguardi, the judge whose sing-off with this contestant at her despicable audition kicked off the drama, waltzed down the staircase behind Miss Darrell, microphone in hand.  As Randy Jackson might say, Kara's got some pipes, dawg! Bikini Girl kept her composure and tried to keep singing along (interviews confirm that Kara's upstaging appearance was a complete surprise to Darrell).  But wait. There's more! Along with her final note, Kara ripped open the modest black dress she wore to reveal a set of tight abs in a black bikini, all in a healthy shade of pasty white.  The best part is that Kara exposed herself only because Ryan seacrest dared her with a promised donation to her favorite charity.  After her shocking reveal, Kara quickly covered up, looking embarrassed, showing Bikini Girl and the rest of the world that sometimes a little modesty is more sexy than half an ounce of string wrapped around fake, orange softballs. Sweet, sweet satisfaction.

Ugly: Tatiana del Toro's "Golden Idol" acceptance: Ryan Seacrest feigned being out of time and needing break for commercial, informing Tatiana that she wouldn't be able to sing.  The diva ran on stage, grabbed her trophy, and sang her song with two security guards half-heartedly chasing her around.  This actually would have been hilarious if it were real, but clearly it was a cheesy part of the act and she was in on it.

After 2 hours and 7 minutes of suspense (What am I saying? I was so entertained I practically forgot we were waiting for results!), Kris Allen was crowned the winner of American Idol, Season Eight.  He appeared to be the most shocked person in the room, and spent the next two minutes looking down, shaking his head, and even pointing at Adam as if to say, "he deserves this more." This might have been irritating, except I can't think of anyone whose humility has ever seemed more genuine. 

The good news is that both singers are destined to work in the music industry, at least for the near future.  Kris' win was viewed as sort of an "upset," but I wasn't surprised at all.  I wouldn't have been surprised if Adam had won, either, because they were both incredible performers.  But you cannot underestimate the importance of Kris' universal appeal versus Adam's very outlandish flamboyancy. Even I preferred Adam earlier on, but toward the end people start thinking about whose CD they would actually buy (how dated--I should say: whose singles they would actually download), and who they want to hear on the radio, not just who is fun to watch on stage with all of the theatrics of television.  Plus, I believe Danny Gokey had a strong Christian following.  After his departure, where do you think those votes went?

The results may not have provided any big surprise, but the rest of the finale show was full of them, which made it very entertaining.  An apt conclusion to a very fun season full of talent.

American Idol Top 9

I swear I have no intentions for Beyond Mommy to become an American Idol blog. Since my husband recently started working a job with long hours rendering me a full-time working-at-home-mother with a business to run, I have been left with very few moments to spend blogging, and when the free time does manifest itself, my brain is so far from creative writing mode that I've been unable to focus any meaningful thought into comprehensible prose. So here we are again with my opinions on Fox Reality TV, since my OCD won't allow me to abandon this series of posts I began.

Predicting the bottom three after tonight's show should be easier than making a blonde laugh on Saturday.*

To my humble little ears, Megan Joy's voice sounds like nails on a blackboard, the agony only intensifying every week. The judges only prattled on about her disappointing song choice though, instead of cluing her in to the fact that she cannot sing! Why am I the only one who knows this?!?

Anoop sang a song by Usher that half of the audience has probably never heard and won't enjoy. I really like Anoop. On top of his singing talent, I am always left with a faint impression that he could have been Peter Gibbons' third cohort at Initech. His little hip-hop motif on stage tonight authenticated the Office Space persona for me, distinctly conjuring images of the three software programmers bashing the hell out of an old copy machine in a vacant lot to the tune of "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta." Hilarious? Yes. Legitimate? No.

Matt Giraud got the next worst comments from the judges, once again focusing on his poor song choice. I agree that it was ludicrous to select a song by The Fray which was so reminiscent of his horrendous Cold Play rendition that cost him his first chance at getting voted through to the Top 12. But he sang tonight's song far better, and I wish the judges would let go of the song choice issue once in a while and give some feedback on what the singer did with the song he or she chose. It's true that this genre isn't Matt's best match, and the judges made no mistake in conveying that message, but if this is the kind of music he wants to sing, let America decide whether or not he should. Kara is right, however, in stating that Matt does not deserve to go home.

On that note, neither does Anoop, based on what we've seen him accomplish in the past. After Megan, my next choice to go home would be Lil Rounds. Last week I felt it was time to bid adieu to Scott MacIntyre, but this week he made all the right choices. Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are" with nothing but Scott, a spotlight, and the shiny black Yamaha (which Ryan Seacrest has repeatedly referred to as the "baby grand" despite the fact that it is over 7 feet long) perfectly highlighted his vocals this week without the distractions that I believe have caused him to lose mental focus in the past, affecting the precision of his intonation and pitch. The judges were pleasantly surprised at Lil's Celine Dion copycat, but my assessment is far from glowing. She struggled to find the correct key a couple of times, and overused the screaming powerhouse voice without giving it proper dynamic balance.

My four favorites still won the competition tonight, but I can easily place two at the very top. The issue I'm having with Danny Gokey is that he is producing a nearly identical performance each week. It isn't getting any worse, it just isn't getting any more interesting. I also thought the range of the Rascal Flatts number was too wide, as the lower register was not well-supported (again), yet it would have been a strain to hit any higher than the top of that key.

Alison Iraheta killed it once again on "Don't Speak," and I appreciated a slightly more subdued choice without losing her rockstar edge. Usually Simon Cowell is the only judge bold enough to ridicule a contestant's choice of wardrobe (especially a girl's), but the meek and stuttering Randy Jackson started the panel on a tirade against her (admittedly horrific) ensemble. I hated the dress as much as any of them, but I was baffled that not one of them mentioned the absurdity of her guitar prop. When she came out with the axe around her neck, we were all surprised and excited to hear this punk jam on her electric guitar. She plucked a few soft chords for her intro, then violently swung it around her back , grabbed the mic, and allowed the band to accompany the rest of the song. I was left yearning for more, but believing that she must lack the skill to provide it, and thus should have simply left it out altogether. Because after the intro she looked rather silly with a guitar strapped to the back of her poofy dress. The whole thing was confusing, but thankfully she really did sing well, and this is a singing competition after all.

Which leads us to the highlights of the night: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. It amazes me that Kris' entrance to the competition was kind of a shocker, yet he has not once failed to impress. I absolutely loved his "Ain't No Sunshine," and we got to see him behind a keyboard instead of guitar this week, which just adds another succulent layer to his tiramisu of talent. The reason I can see him rising above the entertaining Mr. Lambert is the fact that he has universal appeal. Right now we love anticipating what inimitable mark Adam will leave on the stage each week. But at the very end, when people start deciding which performances they would actually download to their iPod, I think Kris might beat Adam based on a wider circle of influence. On the other hand, it may be Kris' conventional talent that ultimately resigns him to being just another really good singer, giving Adam the edge as he has proven to be so much more.

At this point, I'm rooting for these two boys in the finale, but my verdicts are based on performances alone, so no alliances are promised. But if Megan continues to escape her deserved fate, I may have some harsh words for a little website called votefortheworst.com because they are seriously pissing me off (to the extent that one can take Reality TV seriously).



*Just tell her a joke on Saturday! Do people even tell blonde jokes anymore?

American Idol Top 10

Most of my readers don't even care about American Idol, but several have provided pleasant feedback about my assessments in spite of their lack of interest in the show. I am unable to fulfill my self-imposed duty of informing a tiny corner of the internet populace with my opinion of last night's American Idol. Thankfully, my husband shared with me the following article which I will provide here as a substitution for my own words. Most of her opinions echo my own, and the writing is far better than what I could muster today, so please read it and enjoy!

Motown Makes for an Easy Bottom 3 on 'American Idol'
Thursday, March 26, 2009 By Diane Macedo

It was off to Detroit for "American Idol" this week as the Top 10 took a shot at Motown classics. With the theme announced last week, I was expecting it to be great for some contestants and not so great for others. Having seen them perform, I have to say my assessment was correct … I just happened to have my contestants switched.

One of the people I thought would have a hard time this week was Adam Lambert because I was expecting him to come out with some kind of rock-poser version of his Motown hit. Instead he ditched the cotton candy hair and black nail polish and came out looking like Elvis and singing like Smokey Robinson. Simon dubbed it the best performance of the night, as did I.

But that was of course before we’d seen Allison Iraheta kill it on “Papa Was a Rolling Stone.” Allison was another contestant I thought might be hurt by the week’s theme but she showed just how far song choice and soul can take you in this competition. Though I do agree with Paula’s critique from last week: we already know she can rock out with the best of them, it’s time for her to show us that she can sing softly too.

Stepping out of her comfort zone could end up working well for Allison, unlike Paula, who I think stepped a little too far into her comfort zone, and as result catapulted me out of mine. She was crawling under tables; she compared Matt Giraud to a great old pair of jeans; and I’m not sure what she was implying when she told Seacrest she was hiding something ‘under her skirt,’ but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

Simon had his own little uncomfortable moment telling Megan Corkery that whoever is advising her should be fired. Um … wouldn’t that be the week’s mentor, Smokey Robinson, who was sitting five feet away from him? Awkwarrrrrd. [I, Kristen, completely disagree with the author's comments here, since I can tell the weekly mentors show up the day of performances and provide a few sound bytes...they have little to nothing to do with the contestants' choices and performances.]

Though there were a few moments in there where I thought maybe Smokey should have been fired. It’s like the guy was allergic to criticism. I mean he told both Megan Corkery and Scott MacIntyre to not change a single thing with their performances. I rest my case.

Just once it would be nice to see a mentor flatly tell a contestant that they should stop butchering the melody of a great song (Michael Sarver), or that they shouldn’t sing a certain song and then help them pick a better one – THAT would be some real guidance.

And it’s the kind of guidance that could have done wonders for Lil Rounds. As Kara said, with Motown as the theme, this was supposed to be Lil’s week, but, like Simon said, the soulful diva missed the opportunity to have a real ‘moment’ on the show by picking a song that was way too fast-paced and didn’t give her the opportunity to show off her voice.

So where was Smokey on that one? Too busy telling Lil that she “could sing the phonebook.” Sorry Smokey, they already have a fourth judge.

But I did think that Smokey was spot on when he told Danny Gokey to sing both parts of the verses in “Get Ready.” And after Danny gave this whole speech about how Smokey’s a legend and clearly knows better so he was just going to trust him … he didn’t do it.

How can we motivate mentors to offer advice if we’re going to ignore them when they finally do? Work with me people!

I still liked Danny’s performance though, but not as much as I thought I was going to. Like Lil, I thought Danny was going to really shine this week. And like Lil, he did fine, but fell a little flat. Though despite loving how Matt, Anoop and Adam were flaunting their falsettos, it was nice to hear one of the guys singing like a guy — and doing it well.

Whatever Danny’s flaws they came nowhere near the fumbles of Scott singing “Can’t Hurry Love” (or his performance, unfortunately), Megan howling “For Once in My Life” or Michael managing to ruin may favorite song of the night: “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg.”

If American gets it right these will be our bottom three tonight and Michael will finally go home. I just hope this time I don’t have my contestants switched.


by Diane Macedo, original article can be found here.

Wild Card Dream Team

I believe the Wild Card contestants will be announced tonight on American Idol. These dozen singers have already endured the humiliation and dejection of being sent home, but will come back clinging to one last thread of hope. Hope that they won't have to suffer the same fate again so soon.

These are the people I want to see on the Wild Card show. I hope someone over there at AI pays attention!

1. David Osmond: Yes he is one of them. And yes he does have an unbelievable voice and is pretty easy on the eyes as well. David was cut during the first episode in Hollywood, with no more explanation than a clip showing his sullen face walking off stage. Since we didn't even hear his group's performance, I can only assume he forgot the lyrics (since Simon decreed forgetting the words to be an automatic ticket home). Then when people who hummed half a song or stormed off stage when their mind went blank moved ahead, I had to assume something else was up. I want answers.

2. Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle: I want to see more of this. Entertain us, American Idol!

3. Ricky Braddy: An unknown contestant with a purely pristine voice.

4. Jamar Rogers: I think Danny Gokey's best friend, the one who supported him through his wife's recent passing and demonstrated at least equal talent throughout the competition, was excluded from the top 36 for dramatic effect, heightening the excitement when he is put through on the Wild Card show. That's what I think.

5. Anoop Desai: The performance that sealed his fate was utterly unremarkable, but we've heard his worthy pipes before.

6. Mishavonna Henson: She's cute and she can sing. I'm running out of people I care to see again.

7. Kristen McNamara: Assuming she doesn't move ahead from last night's votes (I haven't watched the show yet).

Those are the people I would actually care to see return for another shot. Here are a few more that I predict will be coming back:

8. Jackie Tohn: This girl's personality grates on my nerves a little, but she would definitely stand out in the crowd. Offering a unique sound is worth a lot in this game. I predict she will be Randy Jackson's pick.

9. Megan Joy Corkery: I hated her song last week. But the judges seem to love her, so I think they will bring her back.

10. Matt Giraud: While his vocals were horrid last week, I know he seriously impressed in Hollywood, so maybe he'll get another shot to prove himself tomorrow.

11. Scott MacIntyre or Jorge Nunez: Whichever of these two doesn't move forward tonight should be called back for the Wild Card show.

12. I wonder if Simon will invite Bikini Girl back to the stage. If that chick defines the word despicable, then one far worse is needed to describe the male judges' encouragement and the female judges' allowance of such a disgrace. American Idol's shameless promotion of the entire spectacle was truly appalling. I would say it did the enterprise a disservice, only I'm sure the wake of press created was well worth a few unread angry letters and feminist internet outcries. Maybe if I ditch a flaming bag of poo on Fox's doorstep the approach might be reconsidered. Hmmm.

The second dozen: several standouts

Last week I predicted with ease the first three contestants to claim their spot in American Idol's Top Twelve for Season Eight. Although I would have preferred to see Ricky Braddy take the third spot, I knew better than to hope the voting public would appreciate him over the less-talented-but-more-relatable Michael Sarver.


This week was more difficult for me to choose my own favorite contestants. It will be similarly elementary to predict the three who move forward (two of them at least), but I actually connected with more than half of the performances this week. Although the lines between the good, the bad, and the ugly were very distinct, there were about twice as many viable performances this week as last.

The evening kicked off with three successive trainwrecks, leaving me to wonder if perhaps seven years of American Idol had simply bled the country dry of talent (I truly believed that watching Season Six's finale with Jordin vs. Blake. Ugh. But the Battle of the Davids last year proved my theory incorrect). Then we were relieved by the breath of fresh air that is Nick Mitchell (or Norman Gentle, depending on which mood strikes his fancy), followed by a sequence of performances ranging from decent to exquisite with only few exceptions.

Tonight the guy and gal with the most votes and the next-highest "vote-getter," as Ryan says, will earn a highly coveted seat in the Top Twelve. Actually, those silver pedestal seats the winners get to sit in look exceedingly less comfortable than the overstuffed couch housing all the losers. If it's any consolation. Which it probably isn't. So once again, here are my predictions and analyses on the 12 contestants who sang their heart out for this once-in-a-lifetime chance at stardom. Or at least their fifteen minutes of it.

1. Allison Iraheta: Finally, a performance worthy of this level in the competition, and definitely the best female we've seen so far, at least based on these recent "auditions," as they might be called. The infrequent bits of Allison shown on camera prior to her opening note last night had not impressed me. I am not fond of her look, and the girl couldn't have a less eloquent grasp of the English language if she were nine years old. But her first few bars of "Alone" by Heart rocketed Allison miles ahead of her female counterparts in the talent and stage presence departments. This is not the first time that particular 80's power ballad has been performed on AI, and it is a brilliant choice: a crowd-pleaser that truly showcases both a singer's technical proficiency and emotional range.

2. Adam Lambert: Another early fan favorite, it is no coincidence that Adam and Danny Gokey (from the first dozen) were both situated last in the lineup. American Idol has several ways in which they let you know who they want you to vote for, and closing the show is often a sure-fire way to guarantee safety. Adam's rendition of "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones was powerful indeed, and it would be worth arguing that his look alone could sell records. I personally find Mr. Lambert's style to be a little too theatrical, approaching cheesy. But the boy can definitely SAYNG. He doesn't just hit a few high notes, he basically lives on that treble clef without ever breaking into falsetto--a feat that is as difficult to fathom as it is interesting to witness.

The next few spots get a little bit tricky. I am less sure about how the results will pan out this week, so I will tell you what I would like to happen.

3. Nick Mitchell: The spotlight opens on his alter-ego Norman Gentle in a sultry pose atop the arching staircase. He stands to reveal a full dress white tail tuxedo jacket layered over his signature rainbow-sparkle shirt, tucked into khaki tourist shorts. The red Richard Simmons-style sweatbands and dingy tennies complete his fashion statement. I am personally overcome with joy from the very first note, and as he belts out the passionate chorus of "And I am Telling You (You're Gonna Love Me)" from the musical Dreamgirls, I think to myself, "we already do, Norman. We already do." What a perfectly appropriate song choice.

You're thinking, sure, this guy is funny-looking, but that's not what American Idol is about. My response? "Who says?" WE say what American Idol is about, and I think it is about entertainment. The fact is, Nick Mitchell's voice is nowhere near horrid, and his ability to entertain is undeniable. Best of all, even though he is having the most fun of probably anyone in the history of the competition, I can tell he is taking his role seriously. It may sound like an oxymoron, but it's the truth. He won't win the competition, and won't be a recording artist, but this is a television show, and Nick/Norman will keep people watching week after week. I say keep him in!

4. Mishavonna Henson: If the most entertaining contestant on AI doesn't win over the rest of America as he has me, then the third spot should go to the next best voice, right? Mishavonna's performance of "Drops of Jupiter" was a work of precision. That was her only flaw, really: it was just a little too perfect. Kara said it best describing this little girl with a huge voice as "so put-together." Not one sleek, black wave of her hair was out of place, her bright white teeth twinkled under the stage lights, and she was singing a rock-band song in a taffeta cocktail dress. But she is adorable and has a lovely voice that I wouldn't mind hearing more of.

5. Jesse Langseth: She's cool. She's talented. She looks like a tall and slender version of Janene Garofolo. I find her bold personality a little grating, but she sang "Bette Davis Eyes" very well.

6. Matt Breitzke: I love Tonic's "If You Could Only See," and felt it was a perfect choice for Matt's husky voice. The judges all completely disagreed with me.

7. Kris Allen: We haven't seen much of this guy yet, but he is clearly very talented. And handsome to boot. He sang "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson, which was boring at the beginning and end, but he killed the middle (in a good way).

8. Kai Kalama: I bet his mama (who we won't soon be allowed to forget he takes care of in spite of great sacrifice) is very proud of his rendition of her favorite song, "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted." This guy would slay at a karaoke bar. On this stage, not so much.

9. Megan Joy Corkrey: The judges loved this girl, and I imagine they have been won over previously by what seems like a really funky persona. In my opinion, she mutilated "Put your Records On." This is a light, groovy song, and she forced a heaviness on it that wasn't welcome. Plus she kept twisting awkwardly, which I suppose was an attempt at dancing. She got one thing right, though. She didn't hold up her fingers to show you the number to vote for her. Everyone else, take a hint: that is really annoying.

10. Jasmine Murray: The song and the performance reminded me of belting out along to the radio in my car. Admit it, we've all been there with Sara Bareilles' "Love Song." Jasmine's version just wasn't very impressive. Also, when Ryan asked her if she voted after last week's performances, she said something ditzy to the effect of, "Yeah, well, I tried to vote for, like, everyone." You may as well just save the energy sister, because that is completely pointless.

11. Jeanine Vailes: It has come to my attention that some singers view the notes in their song's key as merely a suggested approximation of the pitch they ought to sing. The poor girl started begging for us to give her a chance at the end. Even Paula, Queen of the Sugar-coating, couldn't bring herself to say that Jeanine deserves a shot in the next round.

12. Matt Giraud: Paula Abdul tried to compliment Matt by saying his performance was far better than his rehearsals. If that's the case, it's a wonder they even let him on stage. It was actually uncomfortable to watch, as his Cold Play selection extended above and below his vocal range, among other travesties. There is no way that performance would have made it through the first round of auditions. They showed some great footage of the dueling piano gig he left to come to Idol, and I hope he can get that job back because he was really good at it.

Now I'm off to watch the results show to see how my favorites fared.

The first dozen: mostly mediocre

American Idol, if nothing else, is an icon of generational popular culture. As a musician/vocalist, I enjoy the show in much the same way that I imagine a gourmet enthusiast would savor Top Chef, or the owner of a fixer home would relish Trading Spaces. I like to critique the performances myself and hear what the judges (okay, the one intelligent judge) have to say.

The opening audition tour boasts some very funny moments, but my conscience can only handle so much of the awkward, heart-breaking scenes interspersed between the talent. Don't get me started on Bikini Girl, that is a sore point between me and the American Idol machine. Hollywood Week is typically my favorite segment of the show. The drama among the hopefuls is just so pitifully entertaining.

The four judges (including Kara, an intelligent and gutsy new addition, thank goodness) selected the top 36 contestants to receive the distinct privilege of performing for America's votes. When they announced this week that the singers would be performing in groups of 12 each week, with only three moving forward from each group, I was taken aback. After witnessing the dismissal of some excellent singers over the past couple of weeks, I was led to believe these top 36 must be the very best. This new elimination process is steep, and the idea that nine people would be sent home each week was admittedly worrisome.

Thankfully, I had only to be worried until the performances were underway. The concern quickly gave way to astonishment at the majority of the contestants' willingness to literally take this one shot at stardom in their hand, crumple it up into a wad, chew it up, swallow, and poop it out the other end in a pathetic, stinky, waste. For a group that we should all expect to possess top-notch talent, the results resonated with disappointment.

Tonight we'll see the guy and girl with the most votes move forward, along with the contestant with the next-highest votes. Here are my predictions, as well as a brief analysis of the rest of the evening, from best to worst.

1. Danny Gokey: This guy is going to be a favorite throughout the competition. He is attainably cute (as opposed to intimidatingly hot), has a smooth voice, and presents a sweet and professional demeanor. If that weren't enough, Danny came to the auditions four weeks after his young wife passed away. I also love that he is coolly professional. When will these American Idol dreamers learn that the childish drama doesn't get you very far (oh wait, Tatiana is just a few spots down). The only way that Danny won't be the top guy tonight is if the general voting public feels so sorry for the poor performers that they all vote for pity rather than talent, under the assumption that the good people will get enough votes. This happens at least once each season.

2. Alexis Grace: While her performance was not the second best of the evening, she was the best of the females, so the next spot should belong to Alexis. This tiny thing is SOUL-full and chose a great Aretha number to showcase herself. She wasn't perfect, but far surpassed all of the girls and most of the boys.

3. Ricky Braddy: I feel kind of bad for Ricky. He's received close to zero airtime in the show so far, so no one in America knows anything about him. But I have to say, his performance blew me away! He was the second contestant on stage, so I wasn't even comparing him to how much most of the rest sucked at the time. I was not a fan of the song he chose, but his interpretation and performance of it hooked me. I think Ricky deserves the third spot this week, and not just because I could see the "Braddy Bunch" shirts his family wore catching on. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can trust America to recognize his vocal talent.

4. Michael Sarver: Michael has a great voice, but "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw was a poor song choice when the stakes are so high and the cuts so deep. The fact remains, however, that the camera loved him and his blue-collar; this potential rags-to-riches story will probably put him ahead of the more talented--yet unknown--Ricky Braddy.

5. Tatiana del Toro: It pains me to say it, but this irritating drama queen was the second-best female singer of the night. Why does the squealing, strange one have to be so good? She toned it way down for this show, and I couldn't help but notice the change seemed very genuine. Almost like the insanity we witnessed over the past few weeks was truly stress-induced. Too bad we won't get to see the real Tatiana after tonight.

6. Jackie Tohn: I like Jackie, I do. Her voice is different and cool, although I felt her song this week did nothing to remind us of that fact. But WHAT on Earth was she thinking with those pants?!? I mean seriously, and I have wondered this many a time before, do these people even look in a mirror before leaving the dressing room? Aren't there wardrobe consultants who give a little, "Um, honey, maybe we should choose an article of clothing from this decade." Or, "You know, sweetie, your butt wouldn't look like my grandmother's if you chose some pants that were slightly more flattering." Perhaps there are wardrobe consultants like this, and they take their jealousy out in strange and cruel ways.

7. Anoop Desai: This guy has a great voice, and a sparkling personality. His song practically bored me to tears, though. He sounded like a one-man version of Boyz II Men. Boy II Man. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved ahead based on his past performances and likeability factor (a benefit that good ol' Ricky Braddy won't have to fall back on, thanks to his lack of screen time thus far).

8. Stephen Fowler: BORING. This performance reminded me of sappy elevator music. Or a tacky adult film soundtrack. Elevator porn, perhaps?

9. Brent Keith: Entirely forgettable performance. And I can't stand contestants who look mad at the judges' comments instead of maintaining a little dignity by accepting criticism professionally.

10. Ann Marie Boskovich: We've heard her sing in the past, but Aretha Franklin is way out of her league. Yikes.

11. Casey Carlson: The Police? Really? When your entire future as a performing artists rest on this performance? And the hideous dance moves and facial contortions didn't add a thing.

12. Stevie Wright: If you turned the TV on to this performance (or any of the last 5 I listed for that matter), you may have wondered if a high school talent show were being televised. This is supposed to be twelve of the most talented singers in America! Why she would throw away this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity by singing a horrid Taylor Swift song will forever remain a mystery.

We'll see if anyone agrees with me tonight.

No sign of Katie, but how 'bout Norman?

Just so you know I wasn't getting any wild-hair ideas that I actually bear any resemblance to the beautiful Katie Holmes, I'll share with you my celebrity look-alike collage. My Tucsonian friend shared the idea after my random Katie post, and you can do your own too.

My collage is absolutely disconcerting, so let's analyze my humiliation for your entertainment, shall we?

1. Perhaps I have some Asian ancestry of which I am not aware. My top 3 matches are from Thailand, China/Hawaii, and Japan, respectively. These are beautiful models, granted, but my skin is totally butt white!

2. Famke Janssen is my favorite match. She is gorgeous.

3. Okay, the next two are GUYS! What's up with that? At least Jesse McCartney is slightly attractive, but who is this strung-out looking Norman Reedus? I haven't even heard of most of the movies on his IMDb resume. But then again, before today I had only ever heard of two of the "celebrities" in my collage.

4. Selma Blair is a name I wouldn't be ashamed to be called.

5. And again with the lovely dark skin, several hundreds of shades away from my pale pastiness.

I don't know how this all works, but the results are certainly disappointing. I want my money back.

Katie n' Me

I want to apologize for the verbosity of yesterday's post. It was a long one, but that single story covered no fewer than eight separate talking points. Today, I'll keep it short and sweet, and even include a celebrity photo to be sure this post won't be mistaken for an intelligent discussion.

The other night a very sweet friend complimented my haircut, and added that I look like Katie Holmes! Usually I brush off that kind of sycophancy as well-intentioned politeness, but it wasn't the first time someone has made this comparison.

Do you see the resemblence? Maybe if I had any makeup on. But I guess if being tall and having short, dark hair elicits a compliment of such magnitude, I won't turn it down!